Am I Responsible When Friends Get a Divorce?

how to deal with a friends divorce mochadadI was shocked when my wife told me that a couple at our church had gotten a divorce. Although they weren’t close friends, they were acquaintances who we socialized with periodically.

During my last conversation with the husband, we discussed our love for technology and planned to hang out at local coffee shop to work on a few web projects. Of course we never got together, and now I wonder if my meeting him for coffee could have helped to save his marriage.

It breaks my heart whenever I hear about couples who divorce. It’s a painful experience for all parties involved. Because of my personal experiences with divorce, I know that the anguish is real and long-lasting.

When couples have problems, one of the mistakes they make is turning inward. They distance themselves from their friends and family and suffer through the problems in silence. Perhaps they feel embarrassed that they can’t resolve their marital issues or maybe they feel uncomfortable sharing “house business.”

My wife and I made this mistake the first time we had a serious marital problem. We thought that we could fix the issue ourselves. We were wrong. Although we patched it up for the moment, the anger and resentment still brewed beneath the surface. When the problem resurfaced, my wife was wise enough to get other people involved. She confided in a close friend and asked some of my friends to confront me because I never would’ve taken this step on my own. We also sought marital counseling. If not for these steps, we would have been divorced or living in an unfulfilling marriage for the children’s sake.

All couples need to understand that problems will arise in marriage. Although your first reaction is to circle the wagons and deal with the problem internally, you may want to consider seeking outside help. It definitely helped to save our marriage.

I only wish I could have told these things to our friends before their marriage was destroyed.

Stay Strong,

mochadad logo square jpg

Question: If you found out your friends were on the verge of divorce, would you intervene? If so, what would you do? If not, why not?

About author

Frederick J. Goodall

Frederick J. Goodall is the founder of Mocha Dad - a parenting website focused on fatherhood. He is passionate about parenting and helping men to be great dads, husbands, and role models. You can contact him at or on Twitter at

Marriage is For White People

In 2006, The Washington Post published an op-ed essay by writer Joy Jones with the provocative headline “Marriage Is for White People.” The headline didn’t ...