When I was 15 years old, my grandfather moved in with us after he had a stroke. He had always been a man’s man and was a bit saddened that his grandson was a bookish nerd. He attempted to bring me into his boys club by sharing his “girly magazines” and pointing out girls in the neighborhood that I should have sex with. I was never comfortable in these situations, but I didn’t protest because I was learning how to be a man, or so I thought.
One afternoon, my sister’s friend stopped by for a visit. Since my sister wasn’t home, I invited the girl inside to wait. I continued playing video games until my grandfather beckoned me into his room. He pointed to me and then towards the living where my sister’s friend was sitting and then gave me a wink and a nudge. He offered to take a walk so I could be alone with the girl. When I declined his offer, my grandfather just shook his head in disappointment. I had just failed my final exam.
Sadly, I wasn’t the only boy who had this type of sexual education. Men actively encourage their boys to be sexually promiscuous or to put it in laymen terms: sow their wild oats. Any man who even thought to encourage his daughter to sow her wild oats would be eviscerated, but no one seems to have a problem with letting boys be boys.
Shotguns and Chastity Belts
Dads are quite focused on protecting their precious little princesses from unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, and heartbreak caused by some silly boy. Almost every father with daughters that I know plans to purchase two items: a shotgun and a chastity belt. The shotgun is to intimidate his daughter’s suitors. If the gun doesn’t scare off the boys, then the chastity belt will be the next line of protection.
But when it comes to their sons, many men refuse to hold them to the same standard of sexual purity.
A Double Standard
I became keenly aware of this double-standard during a Bible study class. The instructors were well-respected church leaders who taught classes on marriage and child rearing. They had been married for 15 years and had three children – two girls and one boy.
During one of our discussions, the husband implored us to teach our daughters to save themselves for marriage. I found it odd that he only mentioned the girls so I asked him about it after class.
He turned to me with a sly grin and said, “I’d never tell my boy to wait on marriage. He needs to get himself a little taste of sex before then. Besides, we don’t want him to grow up to be funny (i.e. gay).” Although I was shocked by his statement, I was even more alarmed that his wife was nodding in agreement.
Sexual Conquests Are No Measure of Manhood
This mentality has contributed to our young men’s defining their manhood by their sexual conquests.
I challenge all men to reevaluate your definition of manhood. Are you really more of a man if you sleep with scores of women? Is this really the message that we want to teach our sons? We have to start raising boys who have at least a modicum of sexual integrity.
In order to achieve this goal, we must examine ourselves. If we demonstrate irresponsible sexual behavior, we can only expect our sons to do the same. Our daughters aren’t the only ones who need to be shielded from unplanned pregnancies, STDs, and the emotional toll of promiscuity.
Our sons need us more than ever and if we want them to be the strong men of the future, we must start by teaching them to keep it in their pants.
Question: What do you think of our society’s practice of encouraging boys to sow their wild oats?