Lessons About The Girls in Windows
“What girls in the window?” I asked.
“The two girls over there,” said my younger son motioning towards the window. “My brother likes those girls.” The eight-year-old smiled and didn’t deny the claim.
My girlfriend had warned me about the girls in the window, but I ignored her warning. This time, I decided to find out about these girls.
I sent the boys out to play and sat on the steps to watch. My son was immediately drawn to a girl who was about 10 years old. She wore a bare-midriff shirt and pants that were way too tight.
I watched the children play as a cool breeze swept over me. I looked across the horizon and was mesmerized by a beautiful sunset. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my eight year old slumped down next to a tree. I asked him what was wrong and he reluctantly shared that the 10 year old girl in the belly shirt and too tight pants hit him with a stick.
“Don’t let anyone hit you with anything,” I said. “I don’t care if the person is a girl. Where is she?” The girl was nowhere to be found so I marched over to her window. “I need to talk to her parents,” I told my son.
Suddenly, the girls figures appeared in the window and I asked, “Did you hit my son with a stick?”
“Yes,” she confessed. “But I didn’t mean to hurt him.”
“It’s not nice to hit anyone with a stick,” I said. Before I could continue with my lecture, the girl blurted out an apology with a tiny voice as sweet as honey.
While my mind processed the reproach I wanted to deliver with the intensity of mother whose child had been harmed, my son sweetly replied, “It’s okay I accept your apology.”
It took me a second to process what had just transpired. Although my son had forgiven this transgression, I was still upset. I know that fathers worry about boys and their daughters but moms are very concerned about girls in tight clothes, who harm their sons only to appease them with honey laced apologies.
I am not sure what do about all the girls in windows my boys will eventually encounter. I want to protect them from physical and emotional harm, but I know that they won’t be able to run to me every time a girl hurts them. That’s why I have to teach them how to respect themselves, how to respect women, and how to develop genuine male/female relationships.
Wenylla Reid is the Director for both the Office of Career Management and the Women’s Business Leadership Initiative for undergraduate students at Rutgers Business School. Drawing on her years of experience in college recruiting she authors the blog, “Build Brand You” which emphasizes strategic brand development for college students, plus great tips for everyone else. In addition, she serves as the Five Point Chair Person for her high school’s newly formed alumni association and staff advisor for Rutgers University’s West Indian Students Organization and Toast Masters International. When Ms. Reid is not working and volunteering she’s “divamommying” two sons which she recounts in the blog Adventures of a DivaMom, studying Spanish, cooking, and trying out new hairstyles.
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School Boy Crush
I’m a bit wary of his infatuation. The girl is nice and respectful, but I think that she is a little fast for my son. She is well-acquainted with several PG-13 and R rated movies and doesn’t seem to have a curfew because I regularly hear her playing outside way past a seven-year-old’s bedtime. She often wears cut-off shorts that barely cover her buttocks and a tiny tank top and she’s a bit too forward in her interactions with N.
Still, my son finds this girl fascinating. He follows her around like a lovestruck Pepe Le Pew. He will shove other kids out of the way in order to sit next to her on the bus. He’s got it bad and that ain’t good.
One day, after work, I told N that I saw his crush playing outside. He ran to the front door, opened it and looked down the street hoping to catch a glimpse of his dream girl. When he came back inside, he had a goofy, forlorn look on his face.
“I want to invite her over to our house,” he said with a sigh.
“Why do you want to do that?” I asked.
“Because she’s my friend,” he said.
“Is that the only reason why you want to invite her over?” I asked.
He hung his head sheepishly and then responded, “And I like her.”
“Ewww,” interjected his sister Nee. “N likes a girl.”
His liking this girl is not unexpected. N, is so full of love that he cannot contain it. He constantly craves kisses and monster hugs. His displays of affection make me smile, but they also make me want to protect him from those who would take advantage of his loving nature and crush his gentle heart.
I know what it feels like to have my heart broken by a girl and I want to spare N that pain. Unfortunately, he is going to have to experience some heartache and pain in his life. All I can do is teach him to make good choices when seeking a partner and how to cope when a relationship turns sour.
Questions: How do you deal with your younger kids’ crushes? Do you intervene in your older kids’ relationships?