Tales of a Toddler

If you’ve ever read the book, “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing,” you can understand my life. I think Judy Blume used my son, X, as the inspiration for the mischievous toddler Fudge.

Reign of Terror

X’s antics started when he found a nutcracker and hurled it at his sister like a ninja’s star. Although she was unharmed, Nee was not pleased.

“Daddy,” she screamed. “He could have killed me. You need to do something about him.”

I immediately sent X to the naughty chair.

After he served his time, he resumed his reign of terror. His older brother, N, was his next victim.


I dashed upstairs to find X using his brother as a trampoline.

X earned himself another trip to the naughty chair. Still, he was not rehabilitated.

His final caper was right out of Judy Blume’s book. Like Fudge, X decided to launch himself off the couch like a bird. The fun ended when he misjudged the landing and crashed on the floor.

He yelled like a banshee until I arrived on the scene. When I asked if he was okay, he stopped crying, smiled and climbed back on the couch for another launch.

Shout it Out

I knew something was wrong when I heard quiet.

“X, where are you?” I asked. Silence.

I searched the house until I discovered the laundry room door shut.

“X, are you in there?” I asked. More silence.

When I opened the door, I caught the mischievous toddler spraying Shout on the floor. Before I could snatch the bottle from him, he managed to squirt some of the product into his eyes. X screamed and ran to his mother. KayEm rushed him to the bathroom and flushed his eyes with water.

Thankfully, he was okay, but he failed to learn his lesson. He walked back into the laundry and said, “More spray.”

The Candy Ninja

While KayEm was working on in the kitchen, X stealthily positioned himself by the counter where the bucket of candy sat. He was careful not to make a sound as he gently removed it from the counter. The little ninja displayed great strength and agility because the bucket was heavy, cumbersome, and beyond his reach (or so we thought). However, he managed to maneuver it out of the kitchen without KayEm’s noticing.

When KayEm finally realized that X was being too quiet, it was too late. She found him in the dining room shoveling candy into his mouth. The Candy Ninja had prevailed.

Stay Strong,

About author

Frederick J. Goodall

Frederick J. Goodall is the founder of Mocha Dad - a parenting website focused on fatherhood. He is passionate about parenting and helping men to be great dads, husbands, and role models. You can contact him at fjgoodall@mochadad.com or on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mochadad

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