How to Protect Your Marriage and Avoid an Affair

protect your marriage

Photo by Joelle Inge-Messerschmidt via Flickr Creative Commons http://www.flickr.com/photos/joelleim/

 

I recently read a Facebook status update from one of my friends.

“I can’t believe my husband cheated on me,” she said. “The woman isn’t even attractive.”

While many affairs are the result of being physically attracted to another person, most times that’s not the case. The stresses of work, finances, and raising kids can cause couples to become emotionally disconnected. When that happens, it becomes easier for husbands and wives to fall into the marriage affair trap. The most recent studies on marriage have discovered that 30% of men and 20% of women have been unfaithful. These statistics are not very encouraging, but you can take actions to protect your marriage from infidelity.

Be Affectionate

It’s important to maintain intimacy in a marriage. Showing affection is great way to maintain your connection with your spouse. Hold hands, kiss, hug, and share quiet moments together. Express your love for your spouse through your words and actions. Saying, “I love you” is just as important as giving your spouse an intimate kiss. It’s the small, daily love gestures that make a difference in a relationship.

Show Appreciation

One reason why people have extra-martial affairs is because they feel neglected and unappreciated. Prevent these feelings from developing by showing your spouse the appreciation she/he deserves. Let her know how important she is to you and how much you admire her. Encourage each other and give compliments. Say please and thank you. Most of all demonstrate kindness on a daily basis. If you’re feeling under-appreciated, discuss your feelings with your spouse and deal with them together.

Speak your spouse’s love language

If you haven’t read Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, I highly recommend it. You will learn how to identify your spouse’s love language and use this information to make your marriage stronger. The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation; Acts of Service; Receiving Gifts; Quality Time; and Physical Touch. Speaking spouse’s love language will draw you closer and help you to increase your intimacy.

Avoid risky situations

Many relationships have been destroyed by Facebook and other social media sites. It’s okay to look up exes, but rekindling those old flames can be risky. Don’t share intimate details about your marriage with your exes and avoid situations where you are alone with members of the opposite sex. What starts out as an innocent conversation or a simple meal together can lead to infidelity if you are experiencing problems in your marriage. Having opposite sex friends is fine, but make sure that your spouse knows who they are and is also friends with them. If any of your friendships make your spouse uncomfortable, it’s better to end the friendship than cause friction in your marriage.

Find an accountability partner

Men and women need close friends in their lives who they trust. Find a same-sex friend who you can be open and honest with and have regular conversations about the state your marriage, your temptations, and your emotional well-being. Your accountability partner can help you sort through these issues and give you frank, objective advice.

Discuss your feelings

One of the best ways to prevent infidelity in marriage is to talk about your feelings. Many problems can be resolved by having an open, honest conversation with your spouse. Problems arise when couples hold in their feelings and refuse to share them with their spouses. Marriage should be a safe place to discuss the intimate details of your life with someone who cares.

Maintain a regular sexual routine

Experts in the field of human sexuality recommend married couples have sex 2-3 times per week to maintain intimacy. However, each couple must develop a frequency schedule that works for them. Talk about your desires, fantasies, and needs. Don’t neglect this important part of your marriage.

Get counseling

If you feel the desire to stray from your marriage, you should seek counseling immediately. A professional counselor can help you can your spouse deal with marital problems and develop solutions to fix them.

Stay Strong,

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Join the conversation: How do you protect your marriage?

 

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About the author
Frederick J. Goodall is the founder of Mocha Dad - a parenting website focused on fatherhood. He is passionate about parenting and helping men to be great dads, husbands, and role models. You can contact him at fjgoodall@mochadad.com or on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mochadad
  1. Maintain an affair free marriage definitely takes work and keeping the line of communication open. A lot of people get married and stop putting the effort they put in while they were dating. My husband and I put in an effort to still do things that we did before we got married like going out to eat or going to the movies. And we’re definitely committed to keeping intimacy as a high priority.

  2. If only people would do these things listed! It seems as if people don’t really know how to communicate with each other and that is the basis for so many problems.

  3. The Love Languages step is huge … what a simple way to really know your partner, but one that is so very important. My marriage is certainly better for knowing what each of our languages are ….

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