I know Hallmark and every jewelry store will hate me for saying this, but Valentine’s Day isn’t about the right card, flowers or even a new ring (although my ring size is seven just in case Mocha Dad wants to know).
While those things are nice, they are cheap substitutes for the real intention of the holiday: letting our loved ones know just how special they are. Granted candy and roses can convey that message, but too often the message they send is: “I was in a rush, so I grabbed these. Hope you’re happy.”
What so many women want on Valentine’s Day is glimpse of the man who used to be so enamored with her that he’d call her all times of day, show up unexpected to bring her lunch, hold her hand just to touch her and share his hopes and dreams with her. Women long for the spontaneity and the can’t-get-enough-of-each-other feeling that characterized their pre-kids, pre-career stress, pre-toilet seat arguments relationship.
I realize we can’t turn back time, but there’s hope for men yet. They can use this Valentine’s Day to kick-start a movement to reclaim that “loving feeling” in their relationship.
Here are some ideas from a survey of women on how to win your woman’s heart:
Let her know you’re thinking of her: Remember when you couldn’t get enough of talking to her and wrote her love letters? So do we! It’s never too late to start again.
I’d love it if my husband would surprise me once in a while with even a little card, note or flower. Just something saying that he was thinking of me. – Margaret
A little note in the morning saying I love you makes me feel great all day – Heather
Men can call just to say hello – Stacy
Men can be more romantic by doing small things like leaving little notes around the house just to let the one they love know they love them. – Jammie
Surprise her: Everyone expects a gift on Valentine’s Day, but what about the other 364 days of the year?
They can do things out of the blue for us – massage us, give us chocolate, flowers. Really show us you care about us. Pay attention to little details – Justme
Men can be more romantic by doing all the things they tend to do on Valentine’s Day, on any day of the year. Romance is NOT about holidays. It’s every day. – Phil
I’d like more surprises – Amy
Show me you care by paying attention to my needs: After a rough day with the kids, I may just need a hug or help with chores.
Men can be more romantic by helping out around the house more and without being asked. – Kelly
Help with the little things, they mean so much. It’s like when you are at work thinking, ” oh man I gotta go home and do dishes ” and then you get home and he has done them. It really means the world to me, makes him more sexy and we can have more time together. – Christie
Show me your softer side – Everyone loves a strong man, but we also want to know what’s going on in your life. We may not be able to help, but we’d like to understand you better – and know that you trusted us enough to let us in.
Vulnerability is romantic. I love when a man feels comfortable enough to let down ALL of his walls. I like to know his thoughts, dreams, fears, interests, etc. – Ceria
Show emotion. You don’t always have to be the tough guy. – Denai
Be yourself. If you are trying too hard to impress someone, then that is a major turn-off. – Amanda
Sometimes little things can make a huge difference – Don’t underestimate the power of a small gesture that says your spouse matters to you.
A simple kiss, just because (no ulterior motives!) is special – SKSweeps
Men can be more romantic by just cuddling. – willitara
Always tell their wife/girlfriend they are beautiful in the morning… the one time a day she thinks she’s not. – Malinda
I saw a card today that said “Thank you for looking at me…above my chest” And to me, romance means looking in my EYES! – JW
Being a good listener is romantic – Paige
Men can be more romantic by simply telling their woman that they love them more often. – Cody
Romance is about BEING there – being involved in everyday life. Talking, listening, helping eagerly. THAT’s romance! – Terri
Men can be more romantic just by paying more attention, take her by the hand in the store out of nowhere…Come sit by her on the couch, smack on the butt while she’s cooking or doing dishes - Jessica
The bottom line is that women want to feel a genuine connection with the man they love. In order to make that connection, men must make themselves available physically and emotionally. More importantly, they must remember why they fell in love in the first place.
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Kimberly Goodall is a writer, teacher, and mom. She formerly hosted the web series, Mommy to the Max. Now she spends her time volunteering and crafting stories. She is also married to Mocha Dad.