7 Traits of Real Men

 

 

Men were made to be bold, strong, leaders. However, our society has attempted to repress these traits. If you look at the way men (especially dads) are portrayed on TV, you’d think we were all a bunch of irresponsible, befuddled, nincompoops, who can only function with the help of a “smart” female partner, friend, or spouse.

Consequently, many boys are confused and have no idea what it takes to be a real man. They seek inappropriate role models and emulate the bad behavior that they see on a regular basis.

It is our duty as men, fathers, and responsible citizens to counter these negative images and raise a new generation of men who are respectful, loving, and willing to contribute to society in a positive way.

If we are to achieve this goal, we must start with improving ourselves. I started my journey towards self-improvement after my daughter’s birth. The greatest compliment that a father can get from his daughter is “I want to marry someone just like you.” That kind of pressure forces you to examine your life and look for ways to improve.

Over the years, I’ve discovered seven traits that real men possess:

Integrity

Integrity is more than being honest. It’s a lifestyle set on striving towards moral excellence. Real men say what they mean and mean what they say. They are the same person whether or not others are watching. They are trustworthy, dependable, and unwavering.

Compassion

Compassion is sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. In other words, you feel compelled to help someone who is hurting. Men aren’t often viewed as being compassionate, but it is a trait that helps us to become more connected to the people around us. Real men turn their compassion into service and work to make the world a better place.

Confidence

Real men are confident. Many people confuse confidence with arrogance and self-centeredness. Real men know the difference. Confidence is about being self-assured and self-aware. Confident men have faith in their abilities and knowledge. They don’t need to tear others down in order to build themselves up. They earn people’s trust with their radiant, inner strength. When a they walk into the room, everyone takes notice.

Self-control

Hardly a day goes by without a news report about some high-profile man who has been destroyed by sex, money, and/or drugs. Too many men lack self-control, but it is the foundation of a virtuous life. Self-control starts with focus and ridding yourself of distractions. Doing this isn’t easy because temptations lurk around every corner. Real men are able to tame their desires and channel that energy into positive pursuits.

Perseverance

Perseverance is the product of self-control. It is courageous resistance against difficult circumstances. Perseverance is only developed through trials. Real men endure the trials and emerge stronger. They never give up.

Courage

A man must have the courage to do what is right regardless of the circumstances. He must not allow fear to control his life. Nothing is ever accomplished with an attitude of passivity. Real men take a stand in the face of adversity.

Humility

Today’s breed of young men loves to let everyone know how much swagger they have. They thump their chests and proclaim to the world, “I’m a Big Deal. Look at me!” Real men understand the value of being humble and letting someone else’s light shine. They realize that humility is more endearing than self-importance. Humility indicates that you are ridding yourself of the poison of self-centeredness. Besides, humility softens the blow when someone knocks you off your pedestal.

Acquiring all of these traits takes time and dedication. However, our society would benefit greatly if all men strove to possess them.

Stay Strong,

mocha dad blog logo

 

 

 

Question: In your opinion, what traits should a real man possess?


About the author
Frederick J. Goodall is the founder of Mocha Dad - a parenting website focused on fatherhood. He is passionate about parenting and helping men to be great dads, husbands, and role models. You can contact him at fjgoodall@mochadad.com or on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mochadad
  • Tara

    I absolutely love the sentiment in this list and would be a proud proud mum if my 7 year old boy grew up with even a handful of these traits.
    I think manners are also important. We seem to have really lost that – especially here in the UK

  • http://www.mochadad.com mochadad

    Common courtesy seems to be vanishing across the globe. I teach my children about good manners because it is important.

  • Anonymous

    a dope post
    i do have one disagreement. All men are not supposed to be leaders. Heck, I have even met some leaders who were terrible in that position.

    If anything we want our men to realize their full potential as human beings, not not all are destined to be leaders.

  • http://www.mochadad.com mochadad

    Everyone has the potential to be a leader in some capacity. Leadership takes many different forms. We are not all destined to be CEOs, politicians, or community organizers, but we can make a small difference within our realm of influence.

  • http://being-michaels-daddy.blogspot.com jt12blk

    This is a list that all males who wish to be men should print out, frame and hang on their walls at home. Excellent. For me, integrity is the most lacking in today’s society. Not only lacking but even downright derided by most. I would love to see integrity revived as a valued trait.

  • http://naturalpapa.com Derek

    Great post!

    I might add generosity – the willingness to give what you have when it’s needed, especially to those less fortunate than us. Stopping to help someone change a tire or give them a lift, or making it a point to be helpful to those in need. But also generosity of spirit, of emotion and of energy…

    Cheers!

  • http://twitter.com/all_swagga AllSwagga.com

    BRAVO! Another excellent post! Your view on “traits of a real man” is clever and confident. I also like how you incorporated the word “swagger”. Anyway, humility is a powerful attribute for a man to have it demonstrates confidence, and restraint. I agree, let others be out front when it’s time to shine. People are smart they can see who are doing things just to look good. Allow someone to be out front and when it’s time to shine people will witness character. SHHHHH Not so loud, do it without looking for something in return and let others shine.

  • Debbie Happy Maker

    This is wonderful and so very true. Come on real men stand up and be counted. There are many women out there that could learn by this list and stop trying to be men themselves and be who they were meant to be.
    Debbie

  • Storm

    Well written and I agree that those are great qualities of the best men. I am so glad I found your blog.

  • http://texasebeth.blogspot.com Elizabeth

    Respect and/or Dignity – for themselves and others. Ties in with integrity and your other traits in how you treat others and expect to be treated in return.

    Love this list! Am going to print out and take to our Parenting Roundtable at church next Wednesday. These are the qualities I want our son to learn.

  • http://afroniquelyyou.com afroniquely

    Loved this article!! Definitely sharing this one with others :)

    http://afroniquelyyou.com

  • http://aproverbswife.com/ Saidah at AProverbsWife.com

    The traits I value in a man are all of the above but to also include a desire to protect and provide for his family at all cost. I am truly blessed to say that my husband possess all of these traits and more. I’m so glad that I stumbled on your corner of the world. This post was a breath of fresh air.

  • Pankaj

    Real dads know where to stop with i-things…i pod, i pad, i phone—-gadgets et all. They’re in control of technology and not the other way round.

    Great article!

    • Nitin Jadhav

      Real men don’t use apple products anyways… 
      just kidding :D

  • Anonymous

    Oh wow, no way dude that is just WAY too cool!

    http://www.real-privacy.ua.tc

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/IOMNM56IR2ABG6ZIFAWCVRLJDQ Nick

    Being virtuous doesn’t make you a man, doing whatever the fuck you want and having people be ok with it is what a REAL man is made out of.

    Tiger woods needs to take notice, he lost his man card when he apologized to the public instead of basking in the glory of it.

    • Sgt_Jake

      I think the word your looking for is “narcissist”, not “man”.

    • hilltop

      Imagine a tribe where the born king could do whatever he wanted and have whomever’s wife he wanted whenever he pleased and could demand food and set the laws. Then imagine a humble hunter/gatherer in the same village who helps cook at the evening fireside, plays with the children, teaches them skills and virtues, helps those who need it, displays good intention and strength in every gesture. And Nick thinks the king is the dopest guy there. Who do you think the people really respect in this situation? Who will feel more content and gratified and involved with the human condition? The king is a jerk.

  • Fred

    Very well said, and unfortunate that it has to be pointed out!

  • John Doe

    that’s not a man, that’s a slave

  • Joe

    i’d add self-determination and not giving a shit about what society expects a man to be

  • April

    I’m just happy to have stumbled across your blog. Keep doing what you are doing. We need more positivity in our communities, so thanks!

  • Mike

    Wow, you’re a “real man”… seriously.

  • Guest

    That’s not being a MAN, that’s being a DICK.

  • Madre Jose

    This comment alone backs-up the assertions in the first two paragraphs of this article. So many people really do seem to think that men who put others, including their family, first and have the traits listed are “slaves” or whatever.

  • Crbastow

    You hit the nail on the head, I have understood these points for some time. Knowing hte path and walking the path are two different things. Determination and perseverance keeps our sight on the path though.

  • C_cornelp

    By the way you talk, sure seems you are a real man. Bad language and vulgarity sure sets a trait of being such a man.
    Perhaps a little less vulgar and you might get there.

  • http://decksidethoughts.blogspot.com Cheryl

    This is truly a genderless list. If all of us could strive to be less self-involved and more outwardly tuned, we’d be the humans we all have the potential to be. Most importantly, the world would be a far better place for our children.

  • Judd

    If you’re a dad, you were meant to be a leader. Period. We need to listen to folks like Mochadad and man up!

    • Anonymous

      there are plenty of horrible dads and plenty of leaders who are horrible dads.

      Like I stated in my previous comment, I agree with Mocha Dad but disagree with him on the point about leaders. A good number of folks are just meant to be followers. plain and simple. While I would like my children to be leaders in their field, I am realistic and know that not all of them will be.

      @Mochadad, everyone has the potential but doesn’t mean they are destined to lead. It’s just like there are people who have the natural gift of singing but never record an album or people who are mega intelligent but never teach a class. read Malcolm Gladwell’s “Outliers.”

      my whole point is that we should be realistic. teach the babies everything we can and make sure they have the access to places and networks and ideas we never even fathomed. at the end of the day however, they still make their decisions.

  • Marty

    Great post and I couldn’t agree more. I was fortunate enough to have a father who instilled these values in us and so much of the man and father I have become is due to him. My wife and I are raising three boys and I see it as one my most important responsibilities to pass along these values as my father did – by example.

  • bob

    @nick you suck at life

  • Joe

    This list should have 8 traits. Its missing faith. But thanks for posting this it seems now a days most men are morally empty .

    • Mohsen Mofedi

      Faith is a mixture of all those above and the ability to stay in manners in hard parts of life that would break any man’s back.

  • Lee

    A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

    -Robert A. Heinlein

    • Milesthe1

      Really like your comment

    • Lance Chambers

       From a SF book called Time Enough for Love a truly brilliant work my a master story teller about what it is to be a real man – yesterday, today and tomorrow.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/IOMNM56IR2ABG6ZIFAWCVRLJDQ Nick

    Yep, the self made kind that owns multiple businesses and travels wherever I want, whenever I want

    • Brainiac

      Sometimes when you win, you really lose.

  • bob

    @nick that makes you a man. I feel really bad for you.

  • Hamo_bu

    Great list. Perhaps bravery and integrity should go together. I would also not say that confidence has to do with people noticing you when you walk into the room. that would go against humility. Confidence to me is knowing what you are doing and what you are talking about. When I talk about my profession, I am confident because I am good at my job and I know what I am talking about. When the topic of conversation is gardening, I listen to the ones who seem to know what they are talking about since I have no clue about gardening.

  • Hamo_bu

    Why faith? I see nothing good about faith.

  • Hamo_bu

    To add one more thing; Confidence without knowledge to back it up is just arogance.

  • Hamo_bu

    I think that compassion would cover that

  • Positivetestosterone

    Apparently Nick you are skilled at being a fucktard, since being a fucktard has never been in style for men we suggest you follow the prescribed suggestions above, have a nice day.

    A Real Man

  • Zer0ed77

    Morality?

  • Guest

    So how would you change this list for a “real woman”?

  • http://www.mochadad.com mochadad

    I’d have to give it some deeper consideration, but I think these traits are universal.

  • http://aproverbswife.com/ Saidah at AProverbsWife.com

    But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. (or unbeliever) — 1 Timothy 5:8 King James Bible

    John…only cowards hide behind anonymous comments. Your opinion of my comment is of no consequence, just know that God’s word applies to both the righteous and unrighteous. If you have the impression that providing for you family is a slave master relationship then you have been exposed to a terrible representation of marriage.

    As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord which includes my husband standing in his rightful place as protector, provider ad head of my household.

    • Ender003

      Why is an invisible,imaginary being necessary.

  • http://twitter.com/STRONGFathersME Strong Fathers

    In my work with fathers, I do an exercise where we talk about how we learned to be a man, and what a real man is. And as the exchange from some of the commenters who are scoffing at your list, shows, these are not at the top of the list, though they do often appear (or items close to these).

    For many men, things like compassion, self-control (as you define it) and humility are the same as weakness. In their lives, those thins make you vulnerable, make you a target and sometimes a victim. So it’s easy to understand the desire to keep some of that at arm’s length.

    The second part of the activity is to define what it means to be a good parent. So much of what we understand to be a good parent conflicts or is challenged by our understanding of real manitude. I have yet to meet a man who didn’t want to be a great parent for his kids. A lot are not sure how to reconcile Manhood/Parenthood, but they want the best for their kids and want to do what they can to give them what they need.

    Thanks for another great post, see in the twitterverse.

    Brian
    @STRONGFathersME

  • http://www.mochadad.com mochadad

    I’d be interested to know what are the most popular items that the guys in your class list.

    I agree that many men scoff at these traits because they don’t want to be seen as weak, but I’ve learned over the years that it takes great courage and strength of character to display these traits.

    I grew up in a tough neighborhood where it was dangerous to display these traits. Therefore, I had to develop a hardcore persona in order to survive. After seeing many of my friends fall victim to violence, I realized that all of my macho posturing would lead to my demise.

    I learned that being a man meant being true to myself and true to what’s right despite what other people thought.

  • Guest

    wow, a blog with actual substance? :) I really like this post…I wish this was required reading for all high school students. It’s very hard for young men to figure out what “manhood” is today, what with all the fake ideals that are floating around out there (50 cent is manhood, realty show behaviour is manhood, etc.). So much of what passes for men today are really grown adults acting like boys..

    Keep writing, like your stuff!

  • Tardigrade

    I like your points and they make a lot of sense for any man, but it’s obvious not all men can be leaders, except in very small settings, like their families, if even there.

    Work requires that most do stuff instead of leading and talking. Sadly though, doing is not appreciated nearly as much as leading. To be a real man is also very much a matter of compromising on influence and the bigger picture.

    Not everyone can be king.

  • Christyna

    I agree. If all of us were to strive to cultivate these traits within ourselves and our children, the world would be a much better place. Thank you for the post. It was a great way to start my day.

  • Arteris

    Actually faith is a very valuable trait. Be it in something or someone spiritual, or just faith in oneself and their family, especially their partner.

    I don’t think it’s impossible to lead a life without faith, but it can help as an anchor for people to hold on through rough times.

    • Hamo_bu

      I think you are stretching the definition of the word faith. Faith in my wife, faith in myself and faith in supernatural are three totally different things.

  • SSG_Snuffy

    I work for a values-based organization… their list of values includes Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage. All of these add up (in the form of an acronym) to Leadership.

    Obviously, it is not a complete list – I like yours better in certain areas – but I think that these are also things that a man (or any citizen, really) should aspire to.

  • SSG_Snuffy

    I work for a values-based organization… their list of values includes Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage. All of these add up (in the form of an acronym) to Leadership.

    Obviously, it is not a complete list – I like yours better in certain areas – but I think that these are also things that a man (or any citizen, really) should aspire to.

  • Mryddlin

    A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.

    -Robert A. Heinlein

    – No fair was going to post the same thing, love that quote

  • Rcorrino

    Yes they can. Even if they are only kings unto themselves; which is what integrity and self control are.

    “This above all, to thine own self be true”
    – Polonius to Laertes, Hamlet

  • Carey T. O’Soup

    As a father and husband coming from a minority community (within Canada and First Nations/Aboriginal) it seems that there are a lot of similarities between the black community in the US and the aboriginal population here in Canada. All the points listed in the article hold true in the aboriginal community. Especially with the rise of gangs and the incarceration and unemployment rates of aboriginals in Canada. I feel that if young men are going to grow into healthy men they must be taught these traits but it is difficult due to the adoption of the negative virtues that arise out of the cycle of poverty and dependence. At our band office over 80% of the employees are female. Young aboriginal men must step up to the plate!

  • Modolk2

    Good article! A lot of those traits are really diminishing nowadays, but i’m glad someone still has some class!

  • Loki

    I think you have pretty much nailed it…I note the commenter who said faith was missing…I think faith is contributed to by several of the ones you have listed. As the father of two young daughters I think all the items on the list are vital….
    @Lee, I am a little nonplussed by some of what you have listed….agree re: diaper (take care of your kids), balance accounts (ditto), write a sonnet and so on, but ‘conn a ship’? ‘Die gallantly’? Personally I hope to die in bed without regrets, too much pain & surrounded by my family without worries for their future after I pass on….I suppose if I HAD to die in battle etc. I would want to go gallantly though, at least with equanamity.

  • Darcysautelet

    You are so very right with your 7 traits. And the men of this country need to once again learn these traits. Men no longer leave a legacy in this country. What can future generations say their father or grandfather left to them? Not homes built with their hands, nor fields tilled with their sweat, not decency, not values…nothing. I agree with the other poster…a blog with substance. Your family is very lucky to have you. Find me a clone. :P

  • Aienthiwan

    You can have strong morals and be a genuinely good human without having a sliver of faith.

    • Breezybest

      There are other types of faith that has nothing to do with “religious” faith. You have to have faith in yourself in order to be confident, you should have faith in your spouse, family, friends, etc. in order to really love them because without faith, there can be no trust. It IS impossible to have a happy, contented, and succussful life without faith. Faith is the assurance that what we hope for will come about and the certainty that what we cannot see exists. We’d all be stepping off cliffs to our deaths without faith that gravity exists even though we can’t “see” it…see my point? Faith is necessary to human life, even if it isn’t the type that has to do with the belief in our awesome God.

  • Jaak

    Thanks! I’ma copaste this.

  • wally wally

    Your statement is true but don’t think that because someone doesn’t believe in faith that faith itself hasn’t shape their moral character. I doubt you can find any atheists who’s moral character was shaped totally in a vacuum.

    • Hamo_bu

      Well you are asking someone to prove you wrong. If you are claiming that faith is the basis for all of morality than the burden of proof is on you.

      By the way, I grew up in a communist country without any religious guidance, I became a Muslim and then I went back to atheism. Having learned later what Christians believe I had to exclaim:

      “You have to be kidding me”

      There does not appear to be a shred of common sense in the Christian religion. God had a son, had him killed in the most common execution method of that time and this is why Christian criminals will go to heaven and Buddhist monks that refrain from harming all living creatures will go to hell. Are you kidding me!

      Why doesn’t God just forgive people’s sins. After all, sin is just a debt to God. It does not take a God to forgive the debt. If I was your local loan shark, and you owed me money, I could break your knees or I could forgive your debt. What I obviously wouldn’t do is break my son’s knees and then have you kiss up to him to have your debt forgiven.

      I was arguing with a Christian about a year ago and to prove a point he sent me a quote from the bible. In that quote among other things Jesus also said to those around him: Some of you here with me will live to see the end of the world. How can people ignore this glaring proof that bible is wrong. I have a feeling that if bible were to say: “don’t believe a single word we are telling you, everything in this book is wrong”, people would still rationalize it somehow.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ECISDMPXHGSGC6U6HZIS3YJILU Revolution

        You are too proud! And too quick to give up on God. What do you know of Christianity? Nothing by the sounds of it. Christianity is about a covenant and family that shapes your existance, a purpose that you were born to fulfill, a gift of the highest order that you might choose to receive, and an eternal hope that you should consider embracing instead of ridiculing. It just might change your life for an eternity!

    • Mark

      then again, you can’t find anyone whose anything was shaped totally in a vacuum.
      The Dalai Lama (among others) has written of the non religious origins of ethics, including of the ethics that became incorporated in all religions and are held in common between various faiths and non faith based value systems.

    • Mark

      then again, you can’t find anyone whose anything was shaped totally in a vacuum.
      The Dalai Lama (among others) has written of the non religious origins of ethics, including of the ethics that became incorporated in all religions and are held in common between various faiths and non faith based value systems.

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  • Haiderlaghari

    The people who crashed the twin towers had a lot of faith. and I’m a muslim saying that

  • Farley_ys

    If all men have this traits, how wonderful life is, there would not be broken homes, comparison between men and women. Lucky for me that i have a man who have this traits…

  • farley_ys

    How i wish men in general and even women have all this traits, how wonderful life is…. Lucky for me that my man have this traits…

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  • Lonnie

    Great post sir. I will save this for my son when he is old enough to understand. Right next to Kipling’s “If”

  • http://www.makesmewannaholler.com EPayne

    It takes integrity, compassion, confidence, self-control, perseverance, bravery and humility to write such a clear, simple, poignant and transparent piece. Manhood is not easy by any means, but if manhood thrives on anything, it definitely thrives on principle. These are some great principles.

  • Anonymous

    What you’re describing is how to be a good human being and has absolutely nothing to do with men or women.

  • http://www.almightydad.com Keith Wilcox

    Sounds like the 7 Virtues. Chastity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Patience, Kindness, and Humility. It’s true for men and women alike.

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  • Hans

    An 8th trait to consider.

    Reflection: The ability to look at the trials one has passed or is passing through as they persevere, and dig deep for the lessons as they look inward for the source of the struggles seen outwardly.

    Also, your definition of compassion is so good that I contemplated it for a bit. As I did I thought it might be useful to say “appropriate service” in the italicized portion as it is so hard at times to not throw ourselves at a problem looking for a solution with no regard to who the person or people are that we are “helping”. It is easy to enable, and move on while cheating a person or group of people out of a valuable lesson derived from a set of circumstances we can likely never completley understand. In trying to understand though we can learn together and connect at a much deeper level.

  • B. jackson

    Best one yet mochadad!!!

  • Sheliza

    Very nicely written and I fully agree with you!

  • Chef Bear

    AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME BLOG!!!! I am going to send a link for this page to everyone I know! I agree, a REAL MAN should have all of these traits… one I think that was missed however is LOVE. Although implied with some of the other traits I think this one is just as important by itself. I am talking of Love for god (or whatever “higher power” you personally beleive in), family (to many folks walking away from their responsabilities and continuing the “train wreck of self proclaimed “real men”), community (from your block to the entire country and even the worl), for your fellow man/woman and love for the special person that completes you. No man can be complete alone, man needs woman and vice-versa, even in the case of homosexuals,although I personally do not agree with the choice a man needs that “other half”. Also important for a man is to love himself, not in a conceted way, but you cannot be a REAL MAN if you don’t like the man in the mirror when you shave! The love of ones self will also flow into the other aspects of love, it will also influence the other traits both positively and negatively if it is not there. Example- compassion requires love on some level

    Very good topic that seems to have been placed “on the back burner” these days! Feep writing brother, I will keep reading!

  • Anonymous

    Great article! I’m going to share it on Facebook.

  • Wontreadit2

    This is a really well thought out post.

  • http://www.thebadbreathcures.com Defarati

    Great post. i really like the part about, integrity and confidence. i cant stand those that play to the crowd or lead people on just to achieve their own goals. or worse, those that pick on or use people because it will get them where they want.
    keep writing this kinda stuff

  • panda

    im glad some others think like me also in this regard… i think its very true tht men today are lost and ‘real man’ needs to come back … i’m 22 and am starting on this journey to become a great one someday… but over the course, i’m experiencing/encoutered two problems:

    1) there’s a huuuge percent of women who just keep man-bashing even if they do it as a joke… point being their mentality is very negative abt man… this kind of attitude angers/saddens me ….how do you deal with these women??

    2) to become a man will be a loong tedious journey especially in this world…. to do it, us men would have to consciously put ourselves through hell to get there … now my thing is women shld also change themselves quite extensively to catch up as women of today, i find, are immature, lack self respect and are an absolute insult to femininity which is quite tragic so while us men are going through this journey, women should also take a good hard look at themselves and fix themselves….

  • Srd3221

    This is a great post. There is nothing better than a great woman to compliment a real man. Because even real men make mistakes because we can’t shake that title of man. Humanity is flawed and will always make mistakes, so it takes a real woman to recognize a real man and forgive him when he stumbles and isn’t being a real man at that moment. It is so hard to be a real man in today’s society because our culture is pulling every part of our being in the exact opposite way.

    • http://www.mochadad.com mochadad

      Yes, real men need real women. No one can make it alone.

  • http://gracefulldays.blogspot.com Nosyrosysweetpea

    Well said.

  • Catherine Finlayson

    Bravo – well-put, a must-read and must-pass-on to everyone even the population without children to raise.

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  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UWRYM3U2AED7CBRXMF3FSE2AT4 Matthew

    I remember in high school English being required to memorize Rudyard Kipling’s “If”

    If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
    Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise…

    While it is ubiquitous and maybe overused, it has always stuck with me as a template for what it means to be a man.

    • http://www.mochadad.com mochadad

      I remember this poem well. It is a great template for life.

  • Keith

    This is a great lesson for parents, whether new or old. I can certainly use a refresher on some of these concepts myself. Thank you for taking the time to post it. Like a previous poster said, I wish this was required reading in school. Outstanding work!

    Keith
    http://www.home-dad.net

  • Amanda

    Faith. A belief in a power higher then himself. A fathers greatest job is to teach his children security, significance, and strength. And without a belief in God, he cannot accomplish this.

  • G Bailey

    I had chills as I read this post. To add the most important trait: Real men are men of faith–that gives them the rationale and strength for the other 7 traits.

  • http://twitter.com/mickeycoutts mickey coutts

    I think you’re right about these. Unfortunately, there are far too many men in our society today that think a real man is almost the exact opposite, especially regarding excess (sex, money, and/or drugs).

  • David Frederick Pugh

    Well stated…here, here for the real men in so many of us. Subscribing to these seems so immediately understandable  & therefore a given. Acquiring these is the  journey that is to be. Wonderful to know that the world still bears the teachers, students & ministers such as you seem to be my unknown friend.

  • http://twitter.com/DianaCarreiro Diana Carreiro

    Amazing post.  I’m a new fan!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clayton-Henry/1356587016 Clayton Henry

    I have always live on the principle “moderation in everything.”  All these trait are necessary in some level; we should try to carry all of these trait and strenghten them as we grow.  We should never be dormant in self improvement; alway seek to improve everyday and make these traits stronger.  Exercise these trait as you exercise your muscle and your mind and ones quest to be a “real man” is inevitable!

  • Rustie

    Maybe you’re looking for the wrong things!

  • Aislinn

    Mocha Dad, thank you for writing this! I was just floating around the internet, looking into the popular concept of what it means to be a “real man” for a piece on gender studies. There’s some scary stuff out there – yikes! Your piece was a breath of fresh air.

    I also agree with the previous comment that this is ultimately a genderless list – that no matter who you are, having these traits will serve your well-being and that of the people around you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003026153890 Plumster Howard

    Man oh man it’s like i were somehow linked to the original author!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/YadlowXP Roderick Spencer

    There are two more obvious traits that should be added to this list.  First, one should be slow to anger which means not reacting to worse situation in the worse way.  Self-control is a part of this but being able to keep a calm head to actively work out a solution is paramount.  Most importantly, love for yourself and love towards others.  It is this seems to be most difficult for all of us to act upon.  We are all neighbors on this planet and we need to let that love motivate us even when others around us show us nothing be hatred.  Peace and lubbins to you Mocha dad.  Thank you for a mentally stimulating read. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=205105803 Val Jo

    Thank God for this article :)

  • TheChromePoet

    Great list! I got a lot from this thanks

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_KLEUO3OZMJEYB7M3N7I4PFJIEI ArmyWifey

    I would say the Confidence that comes from God is the confidence needed rather than in self … then you can be confident in the abilities He has given you. That’s what makes the difference between someone who is truly confident and someone who is an arrogant jerk. 

  • Ceis8009

    YES, YES, YES!!!

  • herbert

    OWESOME

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ECISDMPXHGSGC6U6HZIS3YJILU Revolution

    Here’s a different angle:

    A real man is someone who has the courage of conviction and selflessness to know and deliberately act his station in life:
     
    -       As a child of God first and foremost: Openly, unashamedly obedient, worshipping, thankful and actively faithful (daily) to the Lord and giver of life. Never giving up on God, just as God never gives up on him.
     
    -       As a light to the world: Exemplifying integrity in all things, striving for virtuous behavior, and showing concern for others above all, especially children, women, the sick and poor, and those living in sorrow, fear, bitterness and darkness.
     
    -       As a friend, brother and counselor: Dependable, charitable to a fault, truly there when others need a friend, listening and not judging, forgiving, sharing pain and laughter, encouraging, always building others up instead of knocking down, freely giving of his time.
     
    -       As a leader and warrior: Protecting family tirelessly, fearlessly fighting against worldly temptations and distractions that attack daily and try to destroy him and his family, standing up against abuses, standing firm in his convictions, taking a strong stand for life, marriage, fidelity, truth, justice; and sacrificing himself boldly, daily, mercilessly in a deliberate effort to live life to its positive fullest and make the lives of everyone around him better and the world a better place.
     
    -       As a humble servant and follower: Putting others ahead of himself, seeking reward primarily in the happiness of others, willfully able to overcome his personal selfishness and pride for the sake of others, not dwelling on the negative, seeking the positive, able to relish the small joys that God provides.
     
    -       As a father and husband: Where he needs to be all of the above, first to his wife and then to his kids – because if he isn’t being a real man to his wife first and foremost, then what is his example to his kids and others?
     
    A real man is not simply a “real man” to some people or in some situations, but rather he strives to always be a real man to every one in every situation. That’s the truest mark of a real man. Every man can be some of these things some of the time, but not every man chooses to be all or most of these most or all of the time.

  • DKC

    Controlling your emotions rather than your emotions controlling you. Self responsibility. Being who you are rather that what “society”, your ather, etc, has an expectation of, knowing the difference between needs and desires.

  • Thyican

    A man can not be a real man if he doesn’t spend time with his family! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/lechia.oliver Lechia Eldridge Oliver

    ck it out!

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  • JanetAZ

    As a single mom that would like to not be single forever I’m coming up short on men of virtue. Stay Strong.

  • Leslie

    Robert Heinlein was a fantastic author!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Fern-Colon/1581244612 Fern Colon

    Real men are honest and kind to everyone. It takes a significant amount of strength to do these 2 simple things… especially the “kindness” part.

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  • Katrina Gurl

    Great post!

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  • http://www.facebook.com/rose559 Sarah Rose Boehm

    I see more boys in today’s society and less real men.

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