When you have a son who plays sports, you become an expert on various protective cups. For those of you without boys, allow me to explain. The cup is a piece of plastic that protects boys’ genitals from harm – very helpful when a baseball is headed straight for your groin area at 90 mph.
A Daddy Thing
One day, my wife, KayEm called to inform me that my son’s baseball coach recommended buying him a cup.
“Will you get one on your way home?” she asked.
“Aren’t you going to the store today?” I asked. “Why can’t you get it?”
“Because that’s a daddy thing,” she said (BTW, other daddy things include killing bugs, investigating strange sounds at night, and addressing all questions related to the penis).
New and Improved
Not wanting to shirk my daddy responsibility, I agreed to buy the cup. As I strolled the sporting goods store’s athletic support aisle, I was amazed by the advances in cup technology. When I was a kid, the only protection we had were a jock strap and a cup. Chaffing was a big problem.
Now men and boys can protect their genitals in style and comfort. Although the traditional cup-jockstrap is still available, it cannot compare to the cup-brief, cup-compression shorts, or cup-sliding short (the brand with the best name is NuttyBuddy). These innovative products come complete with a pouch to house the cup. No more chaffing!
Take Me Out to the BALL Game
On game day, I help N get dressed in his uniform. When I pulled out the cup he looked puzzled.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“It’s a cup,” I said as I stuffed it into the compression shorts. “It will protect you while you’re on the field.”
He slid on the shorts and immediately started wiggling around.
“Daddy,” he said adjusting himself like a real baseball player. “This thing feels weird.”
“You’ll get used to it,” I said.
N managed to get through the game with no problem, but he couldn’t wait to ditch that cup. Immediately after the game, N reached into his pants and fished around. A look of horror covered KayEm’s face.
“Get your son,” she said as she pushed me towards the boy. “Tell him not to do that in public.” I darted towards N and gave him a quick lesson on cup etiquette.
Attack of the Penis Cup
Later that night, I heard a horrible scream coming from upstairs.
“Daddy,” my daughter, Nee yelled. “Hurry! Come upstairs!”
“What happened?” I asked as I dashed into my daughter’s bedroom.
“I’m hurt,” she said holding her head.
“How did you hurt yourself?” I asked.
“I ran into the wall because N was trying to touch me with the penis cup,” she said.
“N,” I snapped. “Stop touching people with your penis cup.” It was only later that I realized exactly how ridiculous that statement sounded.
My Cup Runneth Over
Unfortunately, my cup adventures weren’t over for the night.
My 2-year old son has respiratory problems that we manage with inhaler medication. We deliver the medication with an AeroChamber Mask.
Apparently, X thought that N’s cup resembled his mask because he placed it over his nose and mouth and proceeded to breathe.
I discretely removed the cup from the toddler’s face before his mother saw him. She had already been emotionally scarred by the cup. No need to add to her trauma.
Who knew that a small piece of plastic could cause so many problems.