The Case Against Having Kids

the case against kidsAs I waited for my plane in the Edmonton airport, I browsed through a few newsstands. I kept noticing an issue of Maclean’s Magazine with the headline: The Case Against Having Kids. I tried to ignore it, but the headline kept taunting me. I eventually succumbed to the allure and bought the issue.

The cover story, “No Kids, No Grief,” discussed why a growing number of married couples are intentionally deciding not to have children. They argue that parenting is bad for your career, your marriage, your bank book, and your love life. The research seems to prove their point.

In his book, Stumbling on Happiness, author Daniel Gilbert reports that childless marriages are far happier. He also reports researchers have found that people derive more satisfaction from eating, exercising, shopping, napping, or watching television than taking care of children. It seems as if American Idol ranks higher than changing diapers (well, that’s obvious, but you get my point).

In 2006, 18.3 percent of men aged 30 to 34 said they were not planning to have children (Source: Statistics Canada). A group of Canadian men even published an anthology, Nobody’s Father, which discusses the reasons why they are childless. Some of the specific reasons why men choose not to have children are career motivations, fear of failure as a father, not liking kids, and the desire to remain in their current lifestyle.

I can understand how they feel. My wife, KayEm and I were married for four years before we had children. Our life was relatively carefree. We could sleep until noon on weekends, go out whenever we wanted to, and travel without any hassles. Having children has drastically changed our lifestyle. For the most part, the change has been for the better, but there are some days that I long for our fancy-free life.

Even if KayEm and I chose to be childless, we would have been bombarded by people’s asking “When are you having children?” The pressure to have children is incredible. KayEm and I were barely married an hour before my stepfather asked her about a grandchild. Hello, can we even consummate the marriage first?

In 1975, advice columnist, Ann Landers asked readers: “If you had it to do over again, would you have children? Seventy percent of readers said “no.” Once again, I can understand why parents would feel this way. Children can feel like a burden and raising them is very expensive (nearly $250,000 to raise one child to age 18). Beyond that, it’s easy to lose yourself in your children’s lives. I know parents who have no identify outside their children and many of them are miserable. They would never openly admit that their children are the source of their misery, but it is obvious.

Although raising children is stressful, I wouldn’t trade being a father for anything. Of course, my children aren’t teenagers yet. I guess I’ll have to revisit this post in five years. I hope their adolescent mood swings don’t drive me into the 70% camp.

Stay Strong,

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What are your thoughts on this subject? Read the entire MacLean’s article and feel free to respond honestly.


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About the author
Frederick J. Goodall is the founder of Mocha Dad - a parenting website focused on fatherhood. He is passionate about parenting and helping men to be great dads, husbands, and role models. You can contact him at fjgoodall@mochadad.com or on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mochadad
  1. My children are the two things that keep me from fully regretting ever meeting my husband. Or rather, He Who Was, since it looks like he doesn’t plan on being my husband for much longer.

    That being said, having children is also incredibly hard. There’s no surprise, for me, to see the high divorce rates among couples with young children (statistic here, raising mah hand). Marriage places a magnifying glass on the cracks in a relationship; having children brings in a microscope. There are days when I miss, fiercely, the relatively carefree (and much more financially secure) days before my children came along.

    Ultimately, however, I think they’re worth it. Having children does open up one’s eyes to the self and the world around one in a way nothing else does. It has also, after some time, helped me better understand many things about God and my (new) relationship with Him. I’m not sure I would have been capable of those insights without the parenting experience.

    I do have several friends who are well on THEIR way to making up for other people’s deficiencies in child-production, but they are becoming the exception rather than the norm. I myself am pretty well content with two, though should I ever become remarried I suppose that could be up for renegotiation.

    Society today, especially Western society, preaches such a message of selfishness and self-focus that it doesn’t surprise me that so many people have no desire to alter their lifestyles to accommodate children. That’s not to say that everyone SHOULD have children. Not everyone’s cut out to be a parent. I sometimes wonder if I really am. I’m certainly not the June Cleaver model. However, we will find ourselves in trouble as a country if we keep heading down that road. Witness countries like Australia that have to resort to offering incentives to couples to have children because their population is declining. We’re well on our way to that here, which is part of the problem with the way Social Security is set up.

    Finally, in this veeeerrrry long response, I think people should see the movie Children of Man. It might make them think twice about what it would mean to have no children in this world. I know the concept is extreme, but nevertheless…It made me think.

  2. My children are the two things that keep me from fully regretting ever meeting my husband. Or rather, He Who Was, since it looks like he doesn’t plan on being my husband for much longer.

    That being said, having children is also incredibly hard. There’s no surprise, for me, to see the high divorce rates among couples with young children (statistic here, raising mah hand). Marriage places a magnifying glass on the cracks in a relationship; having children brings in a microscope. There are days when I miss, fiercely, the relatively carefree (and much more financially secure) days before my children came along.

    Ultimately, however, I think they’re worth it. Having children does open up one’s eyes to the self and the world around one in a way nothing else does. It has also, after some time, helped me better understand many things about God and my (new) relationship with Him. I’m not sure I would have been capable of those insights without the parenting experience.

    I do have several friends who are well on THEIR way to making up for other people’s deficiencies in child-production, but they are becoming the exception rather than the norm. I myself am pretty well content with two, though should I ever become remarried I suppose that could be up for renegotiation.

    Society today, especially Western society, preaches such a message of selfishness and self-focus that it doesn’t surprise me that so many people have no desire to alter their lifestyles to accommodate children. That’s not to say that everyone SHOULD have children. Not everyone’s cut out to be a parent. I sometimes wonder if I really am. I’m certainly not the June Cleaver model. However, we will find ourselves in trouble as a country if we keep heading down that road. Witness countries like Australia that have to resort to offering incentives to couples to have children because their population is declining. We’re well on our way to that here, which is part of the problem with the way Social Security is set up.

    Finally, in this veeeerrrry long response, I think people should see the movie Children of Man. It might make them think twice about what it would mean to have no children in this world. I know the concept is extreme, but nevertheless…It made me think.

  3. Geez! Those statistics are rather depressing. Lifestyles change over time, and I’d like to think that it is rewarding to know that you have raised moral citizens who can serve to make our world a better place. What if your parents decided that they wanted to maintain their “lifestyle”? Then, you wouldn’t exist and be around to enjoy yours, right?

  4. Geez! Those statistics are rather depressing. Lifestyles change over time, and I’d like to think that it is rewarding to know that you have raised moral citizens who can serve to make our world a better place. What if your parents decided that they wanted to maintain their “lifestyle”? Then, you wouldn’t exist and be around to enjoy yours, right?

  5. I’ve always felt live and let live. If people decide to remain childless for the reasons the article stated or for other reasons, so be it. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. The last thing a child needs is a bad parent, or one that doesn’t want them.

    That said, being a parent has given me the most joy of my life. My husband and I were married almost six years before we had our first child. Yes, we sometimes look back and think about the lifestyle we led and sigh. But I’m thankful we got to experience it.

    The Oldest is leaving the nest for college in a few days. I know we’ve done our best, but the life we knew together as the four of us (I have a 15 year old as well) is over. She’s flying the nest. Even when she comes back, it won’t be the same. I can’t believe the mix of emotions I’m feeling, especially the sadness. I thought I’d wave her off thinking, “Ok! One down and one to go!” It’s not working out like that. I realize it’s just another stage of life I’m going through, but it’s been harder than I thought.

    Yes, it’s been tough raising two girls, but now that it’s almost over, there is a sense of “What do I do next?” Whatever it is, I hope my husband and I can enjoy it together.

    Sorry for the tome, but your post really got me thinking.

  6. I’ve always felt live and let live. If people decide to remain childless for the reasons the article stated or for other reasons, so be it. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. The last thing a child needs is a bad parent, or one that doesn’t want them.

    That said, being a parent has given me the most joy of my life. My husband and I were married almost six years before we had our first child. Yes, we sometimes look back and think about the lifestyle we led and sigh. But I’m thankful we got to experience it.

    The Oldest is leaving the nest for college in a few days. I know we’ve done our best, but the life we knew together as the four of us (I have a 15 year old as well) is over. She’s flying the nest. Even when she comes back, it won’t be the same. I can’t believe the mix of emotions I’m feeling, especially the sadness. I thought I’d wave her off thinking, “Ok! One down and one to go!” It’s not working out like that. I realize it’s just another stage of life I’m going through, but it’s been harder than I thought.

    Yes, it’s been tough raising two girls, but now that it’s almost over, there is a sense of “What do I do next?” Whatever it is, I hope my husband and I can enjoy it together.

    Sorry for the tome, but your post really got me thinking.

  7. I’ve asked myself the question “if I had it to do over again…” just about every year. And I always come back with the same answer: “Yes – I’d have kids”

    I’m not a believer in evolution per se, but if a person can evolve as a person, then becoming a parent is in my opinion a very necessary step in that evolution. I have changed and grown more as a dad than I ever would have had I remained childless. Having kids has made me less selfish, has taught me humility, has allowed me to see things through fresh eyes, and has brought me experiences and purpose that I would have never known otherwise.

    While I’m definitely looking forward to a long life ahead with just my wife and myself, I’m enjoying the chaotic and stressful life of being a dad. Had I not had kids, I would have regrets.

  8. I’ve asked myself the question “if I had it to do over again…” just about every year. And I always come back with the same answer: “Yes – I’d have kids”

    I’m not a believer in evolution per se, but if a person can evolve as a person, then becoming a parent is in my opinion a very necessary step in that evolution. I have changed and grown more as a dad than I ever would have had I remained childless. Having kids has made me less selfish, has taught me humility, has allowed me to see things through fresh eyes, and has brought me experiences and purpose that I would have never known otherwise.

    While I’m definitely looking forward to a long life ahead with just my wife and myself, I’m enjoying the chaotic and stressful life of being a dad. Had I not had kids, I would have regrets.

  9. I tell my little guy all the time, that I would have him over and over again. I would have him because he is just that great.

    Challenging? YES. Exhausting? YES. Expensive? YES. But how did Lauren Hill put it? “The joy of my world lies in Zion. Beautiful, beautiful, Zion.”

  10. I tell my little guy all the time, that I would have him over and over again. I would have him because he is just that great.

    Challenging? YES. Exhausting? YES. Expensive? YES. But how did Lauren Hill put it? “The joy of my world lies in Zion. Beautiful, beautiful, Zion.”

  11. Never in a million years would I wish we hadn’t had kids. That said, I was completely prepared (and trained, via schooling and therapy, haha) to do it right. I feel very sorry for people who don’t know what they’re doing and mess it all up for themselves (and their children.) I do think that we are a little too wrapped up in our kids, though; it’s going to be tough to see them go. That said, we still have plenty of time to straighten up those boundaries and remember that our relationship as a couple needs to be nurtured as much as our kids :)

  12. Never in a million years would I wish we hadn’t had kids. That said, I was completely prepared (and trained, via schooling and therapy, haha) to do it right. I feel very sorry for people who don’t know what they’re doing and mess it all up for themselves (and their children.) I do think that we are a little too wrapped up in our kids, though; it’s going to be tough to see them go. That said, we still have plenty of time to straighten up those boundaries and remember that our relationship as a couple needs to be nurtured as much as our kids :)

  13. I read a recent study along those lines. I find it sad personally. If a couple doesn’t want children, they shouldn’t have them.
    I think the problem isn’t that lives with children are any less fulfilling than they were decades ago, its that priorities have changed. A large population of woman want careers and feel children would hinder that path. Married couples are more concerned with “things” like huge homes, cars, careers, and travel than family. If those are your goals in life, then of course you will feel that having children is a bad choice.
    I can’t fathom saying that having children was a mistake, EVER. I feel horrible for the children of parents that feel they were.

  14. I read a recent study along those lines. I find it sad personally. If a couple doesn’t want children, they shouldn’t have them.
    I think the problem isn’t that lives with children are any less fulfilling than they were decades ago, its that priorities have changed. A large population of woman want careers and feel children would hinder that path. Married couples are more concerned with “things” like huge homes, cars, careers, and travel than family. If those are your goals in life, then of course you will feel that having children is a bad choice.
    I can’t fathom saying that having children was a mistake, EVER. I feel horrible for the children of parents that feel they were.

  15. What is right for me, certainly isn’t right for anyone else. If you asked me 10 years ago if I wanted to be a father, I would probably have said yes, assuming the situation was right. I had major career aspirations for myself and planned on going to graduate school. I had a number of goals that for various reasons went unfulfilled. Different opportunities took me on a different path. Such is life, what is the saying, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry?

    Today, as a father and husband, I couldn’t imagine a life without my family. But that is what makes sense for me. Sure, my wife and I could had a good life together before our son was born. And life with a new child is stressful. Still, it is a challenge that we relish and we work hard at being parents and at focusing on the health of our marriage.

    I have friends that are my age and married that have no plans on having children. It isn’t my place to judge them on their decision. First, it has absolutely no impact on my life. Second, they are my friends and as long as they are happy with their decision, then I will support them. Do I think if they chose to have children at some point that they would be good parents, absolutely.

    The only thing that really struck me about the article you referenced that I thought was cowardly was the ‘fear of failure as a father’. Life is full of risks, be it walking across the street or running for President. If the fear of failing is keeping you from being a parent, then it is probably best that you don’t have kids.

  16. What is right for me, certainly isn’t right for anyone else. If you asked me 10 years ago if I wanted to be a father, I would probably have said yes, assuming the situation was right. I had major career aspirations for myself and planned on going to graduate school. I had a number of goals that for various reasons went unfulfilled. Different opportunities took me on a different path. Such is life, what is the saying, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry?

    Today, as a father and husband, I couldn’t imagine a life without my family. But that is what makes sense for me. Sure, my wife and I could had a good life together before our son was born. And life with a new child is stressful. Still, it is a challenge that we relish and we work hard at being parents and at focusing on the health of our marriage.

    I have friends that are my age and married that have no plans on having children. It isn’t my place to judge them on their decision. First, it has absolutely no impact on my life. Second, they are my friends and as long as they are happy with their decision, then I will support them. Do I think if they chose to have children at some point that they would be good parents, absolutely.

    The only thing that really struck me about the article you referenced that I thought was cowardly was the ‘fear of failure as a father’. Life is full of risks, be it walking across the street or running for President. If the fear of failing is keeping you from being a parent, then it is probably best that you don’t have kids.

  17. You know what isn’t addressed in the article — how many of these people who choose to be child-free were raised by single moms (or dads). I’m raising a boy, he remembers quite clearly how hard it is/was (I was married for 7 years). I would think that anyone raised by a single parent would not want to raise their children in those circumstances. The fact that children put stress on a relationship is probably cause for pause in some of these couples who are happy with the status quo.

    I wouldn’t give up my kids for anything, but I really don’t recommend going it alone. I never dreamed that I would be a single parent, twice over. If I could do it differently, I would. I’ve always had a heart for children, but a lot of my girlfriends don’t. It could be a calling for many women/couples and in this day and age I don’t think they should be ostracized for a personal choice. We don’t kids to work the homestead anymore, when it made sense to have as many as possible. Nor do we have the high child mortality rate that once existed.

    Cameron Diaz has a point, the world is overpopulated. If you don’t want to “share your body with a parasite” as one of the subjects said, adopt. No, not everyone has the resources of Angelina and Madonna, but people can adopt.

    It’s O.K. to be child-free, especially if you know you aren’t going to be a good parent, for whatever reason.

    Just my two cents.

  18. You know what isn’t addressed in the article — how many of these people who choose to be child-free were raised by single moms (or dads). I’m raising a boy, he remembers quite clearly how hard it is/was (I was married for 7 years). I would think that anyone raised by a single parent would not want to raise their children in those circumstances. The fact that children put stress on a relationship is probably cause for pause in some of these couples who are happy with the status quo.

    I wouldn’t give up my kids for anything, but I really don’t recommend going it alone. I never dreamed that I would be a single parent, twice over. If I could do it differently, I would. I’ve always had a heart for children, but a lot of my girlfriends don’t. It could be a calling for many women/couples and in this day and age I don’t think they should be ostracized for a personal choice. We don’t kids to work the homestead anymore, when it made sense to have as many as possible. Nor do we have the high child mortality rate that once existed.

    Cameron Diaz has a point, the world is overpopulated. If you don’t want to “share your body with a parasite” as one of the subjects said, adopt. No, not everyone has the resources of Angelina and Madonna, but people can adopt.

    It’s O.K. to be child-free, especially if you know you aren’t going to be a good parent, for whatever reason.

    Just my two cents.

  19. There are plenty of days when I really don’t like being a mom and I miss my old body and my old lifestyle. I miss my career being my first priority. But now that I’ve met and gotten to know my girls, I love them so much, I can’t imagine my life without them. Even when they are there making me feel downright rotten, I wouldn’t change a thing.

  20. There are plenty of days when I really don’t like being a mom and I miss my old body and my old lifestyle. I miss my career being my first priority. But now that I’ve met and gotten to know my girls, I love them so much, I can’t imagine my life without them. Even when they are there making me feel downright rotten, I wouldn’t change a thing.

  21. There are times that I think back to how carefree my life was before kids and that was a wonderful time in my life too but that being said I wouldn’t have it any other way. Children are a huge stressor and I don’t even want to think about those teenage years, lol. When I think about it though, my moments with my children have given me more happiness than those without. If I had to do it again I would!

  22. There are times that I think back to how carefree my life was before kids and that was a wonderful time in my life too but that being said I wouldn’t have it any other way. Children are a huge stressor and I don’t even want to think about those teenage years, lol. When I think about it though, my moments with my children have given me more happiness than those without. If I had to do it again I would!

  23. I once saw some research that showed that day-to-day, parents were less happy than non-parents. The whining, crying, diapers, feedings, etc. take their toll. But on average, over time, they were happier, because those ah-HA! moments, like first steps, first words, first day of school, school plays, create such a high that it not only evens the playing field, but blows it away.

  24. I once saw some research that showed that day-to-day, parents were less happy than non-parents. The whining, crying, diapers, feedings, etc. take their toll. But on average, over time, they were happier, because those ah-HA! moments, like first steps, first words, first day of school, school plays, create such a high that it not only evens the playing field, but blows it away.

  25. Raising kids is a tough job, and not everyone is well equipped to handle it. I’ve thought about what I would do if I had a do-over… at first I said that I wouldn’t marry my husband, but then I realized that I would not have my son, and that would be totally unacceptable. So, I guess I wouldn’t change that after all!

    BTW, sometimes it actually gets better when your boy becomes a teenager. It has worked that way for me. :)

  26. Raising kids is a tough job, and not everyone is well equipped to handle it. I’ve thought about what I would do if I had a do-over… at first I said that I wouldn’t marry my husband, but then I realized that I would not have my son, and that would be totally unacceptable. So, I guess I wouldn’t change that after all!

    BTW, sometimes it actually gets better when your boy becomes a teenager. It has worked that way for me. :)

  27. what? 70% said no? omg that makes me ill. how sad. i love being a mom and i would do it over again in a heartbeat. yes it’s been trying and hard at times but yeah, don’t regret it for a second.

  28. what? 70% said no? omg that makes me ill. how sad. i love being a mom and i would do it over again in a heartbeat. yes it’s been trying and hard at times but yeah, don’t regret it for a second.

  29. Wow! I don’t even know what to say about this. Hubby and I decided we weren’t going to have kids because he already had a son who was 11 when we got married. I didn’t want kids because I’m the baby of 5 and needless to say lots of babysitting. I felt like I never got to enjoy a life without kids. However, 6 months into our marriage I found out I was pregnant. As devastated as I was, I am truly happy for the experience. I love my kids and wouldn’t trade them for the world. The beginning was hard because I didn’t want to get wrapped up in my kids and forget about a life for me. But I make Me a priority and I don’t feel that has happened. I’ve learned when to do my stuff and when to spend time with my children and when to spend time with my husband. By not being blind to the fact that my life is 3 dimensional has really helped me to enjoy all aspects of my life. I often wonder how would my life be without the kids, not because I miss being free, but would it be fun like it is. Maybe me and hubby are kids at heart so we so enjoy being with our children, but would my life be as rich and fulfilling? Would I aspire to do all the things that I’m doing now? It’s because of my kids why I even go after my dreams harder than ever before.

  30. Wow! I don’t even know what to say about this. Hubby and I decided we weren’t going to have kids because he already had a son who was 11 when we got married. I didn’t want kids because I’m the baby of 5 and needless to say lots of babysitting. I felt like I never got to enjoy a life without kids. However, 6 months into our marriage I found out I was pregnant. As devastated as I was, I am truly happy for the experience. I love my kids and wouldn’t trade them for the world. The beginning was hard because I didn’t want to get wrapped up in my kids and forget about a life for me. But I make Me a priority and I don’t feel that has happened. I’ve learned when to do my stuff and when to spend time with my children and when to spend time with my husband. By not being blind to the fact that my life is 3 dimensional has really helped me to enjoy all aspects of my life. I often wonder how would my life be without the kids, not because I miss being free, but would it be fun like it is. Maybe me and hubby are kids at heart so we so enjoy being with our children, but would my life be as rich and fulfilling? Would I aspire to do all the things that I’m doing now? It’s because of my kids why I even go after my dreams harder than ever before.

  31. Having children; how many, or if at all, really is a personal decision. It doesn’t surprise me at all that childless couples are criticized, we are criticized all the time for having ONE child. I admire a woman who knows that she doesn’t want kids, and doesn’t fall to the pressure to have them anyway. As someone said in the article, people should only have kids if they REALLY want them. I have been a foster Mom for 10 years, and there are many people out there should not have kids.

    Parenting is difficult, but rewarding. I could not imagine my life any other way and never, at any time, have I asked if I’d do it all over again (OF COURSE!). As someone who became a foster/step mom at 21, I’ve never been married without children. However, once Jake is grown that’s it-I’m done. I’ve raised other people’s children, worked with kids, raised my own, and if something were to happen to my Hubs and I re-married, I would not want a man with kids.

    Being a parent is amazing, but it’s not for everyone. Kudos to the people who know themselves well enough to realize that.

  32. Having children; how many, or if at all, really is a personal decision. It doesn’t surprise me at all that childless couples are criticized, we are criticized all the time for having ONE child. I admire a woman who knows that she doesn’t want kids, and doesn’t fall to the pressure to have them anyway. As someone said in the article, people should only have kids if they REALLY want them. I have been a foster Mom for 10 years, and there are many people out there should not have kids.

    Parenting is difficult, but rewarding. I could not imagine my life any other way and never, at any time, have I asked if I’d do it all over again (OF COURSE!). As someone who became a foster/step mom at 21, I’ve never been married without children. However, once Jake is grown that’s it-I’m done. I’ve raised other people’s children, worked with kids, raised my own, and if something were to happen to my Hubs and I re-married, I would not want a man with kids.

    Being a parent is amazing, but it’s not for everyone. Kudos to the people who know themselves well enough to realize that.

  33. I’ve been married for 6 years and the question “when are you having a baby?” never ceases. My husband and I have tried for 4 years to have a baby, and we feel that at this point, our path to parenthood is adoption. Throughout the journey we’ve been on we’ve watched the people around us have children and we’ve seen the joys, the heartache, the sleepless nights, the frustrations and then back to the joy. We’ve seen the most tired mothers smile w/happiness when their baby looks up at them and smiles. We’ve gotten to watch the people around us grow so much through their children. It’s amazing to watch how some people change when they have kids. Through watching this, knowing having a childless marriage is an option for us, we made the decision with certainty that we wanted to be parents. I think everybody should have to stop and think about what they’re doing when they bring a child into this world. If you don’t want to have children, there are steps you can take to prevent that. I’m not referring to abortion, I’m referring to birth control or abstinence. Then there’s always putting the child up for adoption. I’ve witnessed (and experienced) first hand the damage that can be caused when a parent tells a child that they weren’t wanted. That lasts for years and the sting never completely goes away. No child should be put through that. If you don’t want kids – don’t have them. It’s not up to me or anybody else to judge you. In some cases, that’s the best decision a person could make.

  34. I’ve been married for 6 years and the question “when are you having a baby?” never ceases. My husband and I have tried for 4 years to have a baby, and we feel that at this point, our path to parenthood is adoption. Throughout the journey we’ve been on we’ve watched the people around us have children and we’ve seen the joys, the heartache, the sleepless nights, the frustrations and then back to the joy. We’ve seen the most tired mothers smile w/happiness when their baby looks up at them and smiles. We’ve gotten to watch the people around us grow so much through their children. It’s amazing to watch how some people change when they have kids. Through watching this, knowing having a childless marriage is an option for us, we made the decision with certainty that we wanted to be parents. I think everybody should have to stop and think about what they’re doing when they bring a child into this world. If you don’t want to have children, there are steps you can take to prevent that. I’m not referring to abortion, I’m referring to birth control or abstinence. Then there’s always putting the child up for adoption. I’ve witnessed (and experienced) first hand the damage that can be caused when a parent tells a child that they weren’t wanted. That lasts for years and the sting never completely goes away. No child should be put through that. If you don’t want kids – don’t have them. It’s not up to me or anybody else to judge you. In some cases, that’s the best decision a person could make.

  35. Gosh…*sigh*. This is tough. Right now for me, being recently divorced, part of me regrets not having children but again..it was probably for the best (as it wasn’t with the right person). As I get older and I focus more on my income, I am torn between eventually having a family and children…or just being married and that be my family. I am really torn. I see how I am in debt up to my eyeballs now..and I just don’t see it getting better with the addition of children. At the same time, financials will never outweight the joy that I can get from carrying a baby, being pregnant, etc…

    *sigh*..being an African American woman..my biological and social options are slim………so slim.

    Thanks for this. It was interesting.

  36. Gosh…*sigh*. This is tough. Right now for me, being recently divorced, part of me regrets not having children but again..it was probably for the best (as it wasn’t with the right person). As I get older and I focus more on my income, I am torn between eventually having a family and children…or just being married and that be my family. I am really torn. I see how I am in debt up to my eyeballs now..and I just don’t see it getting better with the addition of children. At the same time, financials will never outweight the joy that I can get from carrying a baby, being pregnant, etc…

    *sigh*..being an African American woman..my biological and social options are slim………so slim.

    Thanks for this. It was interesting.

  37. I think that article makes a lot of sense. I don’t agree with all of it, but it makes sense.

    It’s all a matter of high risk/high reward. By putting your career on hold and having a kid you are definitely taking a risk. You’re risking life as you know it. A woman risks her body. Both people risk their sanity and most definitely the number of hours of sleep they get every night. For a while it feels wrong, all wrong. But then there’s the first smile. And the first word, steps, etc. So sure, parents go through hell sometimes and it’s miserable. And it’s OK to admit that it’s miserable. But parents also get to experience those moments that childless couples simply can’t. It is impossible to describe the love of your own child, or how you feel when they do something miraculous. That’s the high reward part. And as long as you’re satisfied with that, then it’s all good.

  38. I think that article makes a lot of sense. I don’t agree with all of it, but it makes sense.

    It’s all a matter of high risk/high reward. By putting your career on hold and having a kid you are definitely taking a risk. You’re risking life as you know it. A woman risks her body. Both people risk their sanity and most definitely the number of hours of sleep they get every night. For a while it feels wrong, all wrong. But then there’s the first smile. And the first word, steps, etc. So sure, parents go through hell sometimes and it’s miserable. And it’s OK to admit that it’s miserable. But parents also get to experience those moments that childless couples simply can’t. It is impossible to describe the love of your own child, or how you feel when they do something miraculous. That’s the high reward part. And as long as you’re satisfied with that, then it’s all good.

  39. Well, I can somewhat believe the reasons given. But given all that I know now, I would still opt to have children. For all that they have done to change our lives, the change has been in the main for the better. I could not imagine my life otherwise.

    Do they get on my last nerve sometime? Yes. Are they expensive? Yes. Do they sometime, uh, block the romance? Yes. But in the end, I am a better, happier, more fulfilled person because they are in my life.

  40. Well, I can somewhat believe the reasons given. But given all that I know now, I would still opt to have children. For all that they have done to change our lives, the change has been in the main for the better. I could not imagine my life otherwise.

    Do they get on my last nerve sometime? Yes. Are they expensive? Yes. Do they sometime, uh, block the romance? Yes. But in the end, I am a better, happier, more fulfilled person because they are in my life.

  41. It is not surprising that so many people aren’t having kids. It accurately reflects the selfishness of the me first society we live in. Everyone should do their own thing and if you don’t want to have kids by all means don’t. The last thing we need are some more kids without any parents. I have to reference my favorite show Seinfeld. When Elaine didn’t want kids Jerry told her about a TV show he saw where the mollusk travelled thousands of miles just for another shot at a mollusk. He asks Elaine if she thinks she is better than the mollusk. So I put it to all you people missing out on the joy of children, Do you think you are better than the mollusk?

  42. It is not surprising that so many people aren’t having kids. It accurately reflects the selfishness of the me first society we live in. Everyone should do their own thing and if you don’t want to have kids by all means don’t. The last thing we need are some more kids without any parents. I have to reference my favorite show Seinfeld. When Elaine didn’t want kids Jerry told her about a TV show he saw where the mollusk travelled thousands of miles just for another shot at a mollusk. He asks Elaine if she thinks she is better than the mollusk. So I put it to all you people missing out on the joy of children, Do you think you are better than the mollusk?

  43. I can remember when I was young and single and complimenting people on how cute their kids were and they would say “Don’t have any kids”. I used to think that was cruel.

    I have 3 and I can’t imagine life without them. I will admit I always wanted 3 but didn’t want them until I was ready for them. Didn’t have any desire to have them before marriage and if I didn’t get married I wasn’t having any. I don’t disagree with those who decide not to have any children but I’m glad I had the right to my own decision. I love being a mom, I love having a family, I wouldn’t change a thing, and I look forward to the grands, because then I can give them back.

  44. I can remember when I was young and single and complimenting people on how cute their kids were and they would say “Don’t have any kids”. I used to think that was cruel.

    I have 3 and I can’t imagine life without them. I will admit I always wanted 3 but didn’t want them until I was ready for them. Didn’t have any desire to have them before marriage and if I didn’t get married I wasn’t having any. I don’t disagree with those who decide not to have any children but I’m glad I had the right to my own decision. I love being a mom, I love having a family, I wouldn’t change a thing, and I look forward to the grands, because then I can give them back.

  45. Having kids is like anything else that’s challenging. You come out on the other side very grateful of your children and the trials you have gone through while raising them. Their love is so innocent, that I can’t imagine not having them in my life.

    So part of me would say that in hindsight having children is actually the selfish move. They’ve caused me to grow and stretch in ways I never would have before having them.

  46. Having kids is like anything else that’s challenging. You come out on the other side very grateful of your children and the trials you have gone through while raising them. Their love is so innocent, that I can’t imagine not having them in my life.

    So part of me would say that in hindsight having children is actually the selfish move. They’ve caused me to grow and stretch in ways I never would have before having them.

  47. If I had to do it all over again, the answer is Hell yes, I’d have kids! I have a strong and happy marriage and a large family. Somedays I want to pull my hair out and my life is organized chaos. However the rewards far outweigh the financial and free time constraints. Even a teen with an attitude brings so much joy to my heart and laughter to my home. I wouldn’t change a thing.

  48. If I had to do it all over again, the answer is Hell yes, I’d have kids! I have a strong and happy marriage and a large family. Somedays I want to pull my hair out and my life is organized chaos. However the rewards far outweigh the financial and free time constraints. Even a teen with an attitude brings so much joy to my heart and laughter to my home. I wouldn’t change a thing.

  49. We were on that side of the fence for the longest time – 10 years – and were very happy. Then we changed out minds. But through it all our happiness was derived from true to ourselves and each other.

    Happiness is all about being true to your heart, children or not. We derive more satisfaction from life because we embrace the cause to elevate. Sadly others just have a harder time with happy no matter what.

  50. We were on that side of the fence for the longest time – 10 years – and were very happy. Then we changed out minds. But through it all our happiness was derived from true to ourselves and each other.

    Happiness is all about being true to your heart, children or not. We derive more satisfaction from life because we embrace the cause to elevate. Sadly others just have a harder time with happy no matter what.

  51. To each his own, as they say. There are too many people having children, and not properly caring for them.

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

  52. To each his own, as they say. There are too many people having children, and not properly caring for them.

    Hugs and Mocha,
    Stesha

  53. Thanks for posting about this very pertinent topic. We are following in similar footsteps as you & your partner have by taking the parenthood step slowly. After just reaching a year of legal couplehood, we are constantly bombarded with the questions of when the kiddies will arrive. People look at us like we are crazies when we say we are interested in adoption or foster children. The fact of the matter is, this is an evolved world and unfortunately we don’t live in a family oriented society. Being a parent is such a natural act, but being a real, good parent is REVOLUTIONARY. We have met parents who are clearly in regret mode because of how, and/or when they became parents. Family is an entity that is not supported enough in the United States and to many people, starting a family appears to be burdensome. We commend all of the parents who do the job even when though it’s hard. We celebrate those who accept or realize that parenthood is a job unlike any other and choose to prepare themselves mentally/spiritually/and/or financially for the possibility if it and when it happens. Mentoring, parenting classes, adoption and surrogacy are also great ways to be responsible to the little people who are already here and to society on a whole. It’s all about family and community. One last thing: We think PARENTING CLASSES SHOULD BE MANDATORY, pre-parenthood, kind of like how you have to attend high school or get a GED before going to college or to get most jobs. Hmmmmm…

  54. Thanks for posting about this very pertinent topic. We are following in similar footsteps as you & your partner have by taking the parenthood step slowly. After just reaching a year of legal couplehood, we are constantly bombarded with the questions of when the kiddies will arrive. People look at us like we are crazies when we say we are interested in adoption or foster children. The fact of the matter is, this is an evolved world and unfortunately we don’t live in a family oriented society. Being a parent is such a natural act, but being a real, good parent is REVOLUTIONARY. We have met parents who are clearly in regret mode because of how, and/or when they became parents. Family is an entity that is not supported enough in the United States and to many people, starting a family appears to be burdensome. We commend all of the parents who do the job even when though it’s hard. We celebrate those who accept or realize that parenthood is a job unlike any other and choose to prepare themselves mentally/spiritually/and/or financially for the possibility if it and when it happens. Mentoring, parenting classes, adoption and surrogacy are also great ways to be responsible to the little people who are already here and to society on a whole. It’s all about family and community. One last thing: We think PARENTING CLASSES SHOULD BE MANDATORY, pre-parenthood, kind of like how you have to attend high school or get a GED before going to college or to get most jobs. Hmmmmm…

  55. I’ve heard that same stat about couples without kids being happier. I think it boils down to stress. Having a kid means a LOT more stress. Mine had a fever and a headache the other day and I went into a tailspin wondering if it was related to the tick bite he got on his camping trip a few weeks earlier. I was up most the night worrying that he was about to turn into “Tiny Tim” from the movie Scrooge. Dark bags under my eyes at work the next day…..and this is a 13 year old!! I think I am aging rapidly – but would not change it for the world. There is no doubt in my mind that he has made both my husband and me better people :D awwwwwwww…

  56. I’ve heard that same stat about couples without kids being happier. I think it boils down to stress. Having a kid means a LOT more stress. Mine had a fever and a headache the other day and I went into a tailspin wondering if it was related to the tick bite he got on his camping trip a few weeks earlier. I was up most the night worrying that he was about to turn into “Tiny Tim” from the movie Scrooge. Dark bags under my eyes at work the next day…..and this is a 13 year old!! I think I am aging rapidly – but would not change it for the world. There is no doubt in my mind that he has made both my husband and me better people :D awwwwwwww…

  57. Being a dad is a pain in the butt sometimes, and I certainly let my children be the butt of my jokes on my blog, but I wouldn’t want to go back to the old me, before they came into my life. It’s better for everyone, actually, that I can’t.

  58. Being a dad is a pain in the butt sometimes, and I certainly let my children be the butt of my jokes on my blog, but I wouldn’t want to go back to the old me, before they came into my life. It’s better for everyone, actually, that I can’t.

  59. The decision to have children – or not – is an extremely personal one. We had our one – and only – after 6 years of marriage. Sure, life was easier without our daughter, but it wasn’t nearly as full. The joy that my daughter brings me on a daily basis (and some days, I don’t see the joy until she’s sleep!) cannot be replaced by more money in the bank, more sleep, more vacations, or a clean, tidy house.

    I try not to judge. You want kids? Have them. You don’t? Well don’t. I don’t think one decision is any better or worse than the other.

  60. The decision to have children – or not – is an extremely personal one. We had our one – and only – after 6 years of marriage. Sure, life was easier without our daughter, but it wasn’t nearly as full. The joy that my daughter brings me on a daily basis (and some days, I don’t see the joy until she’s sleep!) cannot be replaced by more money in the bank, more sleep, more vacations, or a clean, tidy house.

    I try not to judge. You want kids? Have them. You don’t? Well don’t. I don’t think one decision is any better or worse than the other.

  61. Childless people are self centred, boring, childish, immature, narcissistic, self absorbed people without a clue on life. They will never learn or know or understand or contribute anything worthwhile i their lifetime. We don’t want their offspring (-:

    • aaahhh i can sleep in, read when ever I want, advance my carrer, I don’t have to spend all my time cleaning up their little messes…me and my partner love being free! we are 35, and NEVER want kids…..and boring, what the hell, we can do what ever we want, so boring doesn’t exist on our world, Isn’t it better not to have them if you don’t want them, than to have them because it’s the social norm? wake up…enjoy having to run around all day after you spawn :)

  62. Childless people are self centred, boring, childish, immature, narcissistic, self absorbed people without a clue on life. They will never learn or know or understand or contribute anything worthwhile i their lifetime. We don’t want their offspring (-:

  63. My husband and I didn’t really make the decision not to have children. Neither of us had ever been big on kids, even when we were kids. My husband also didn’t want to take the risk of passing on any of his myriad health problems. Me, I have a low threshold of pain, so pregnancy and childbirth didn’t sound like a joyous experience anyway. We’ve never been really financially secure. So all in all, not having children sounded like the best plan.

    The concept that people aren’t having children because of their careers is kind of bewildering. My husband and I have both worked with a lot of moms, and the fact that they take more time off and get more personal calls at work never seems to hold any of them back. Nor has not having children and always being available and reliable helped me advance any faster. Career certainly wasn’t a consideration for us, but I find it hard to believe that anyone at this point in time would consider children a detriment to a successful career.

    I am an only child, so I did feel the pressure of providing my parents with a grandchild. Sometimes I felt the clock ticking, saw other people with bright, talented kids, and wondered if I was doing the right thing by remaining childless. Then I think of all the situations where people have children with health problems, where the children are rebels and troublemakers, and do all the wrong things. I think of the people with good children who lose them to drunk drivers or school shootings. Then I don’t feel so bad about our choice.

    Also, I feel sorry for the many children that are born because their parents cannot give them a secure family life, who’d never get time and attention from their parents, who’ll be abused by stepfathers or babysitters or even by their own parents. A lot of people have children for the wrong reason. Because the clock is ticking, because they feel peer pressure, because they think it will change the father and make him a better boyfriend/husband.

    I also feel sorry for people like Himiona, who has no respect for the thoughts and feelings of others, and is unable to have an intelligent discussion without insulting every person in the world who has a different opinion.

  64. My husband and I didn’t really make the decision not to have children. Neither of us had ever been big on kids, even when we were kids. My husband also didn’t want to take the risk of passing on any of his myriad health problems. Me, I have a low threshold of pain, so pregnancy and childbirth didn’t sound like a joyous experience anyway. We’ve never been really financially secure. So all in all, not having children sounded like the best plan.

    The concept that people aren’t having children because of their careers is kind of bewildering. My husband and I have both worked with a lot of moms, and the fact that they take more time off and get more personal calls at work never seems to hold any of them back. Nor has not having children and always being available and reliable helped me advance any faster. Career certainly wasn’t a consideration for us, but I find it hard to believe that anyone at this point in time would consider children a detriment to a successful career.

    I am an only child, so I did feel the pressure of providing my parents with a grandchild. Sometimes I felt the clock ticking, saw other people with bright, talented kids, and wondered if I was doing the right thing by remaining childless. Then I think of all the situations where people have children with health problems, where the children are rebels and troublemakers, and do all the wrong things. I think of the people with good children who lose them to drunk drivers or school shootings. Then I don’t feel so bad about our choice.

    Also, I feel sorry for the many children that are born because their parents cannot give them a secure family life, who’d never get time and attention from their parents, who’ll be abused by stepfathers or babysitters or even by their own parents. A lot of people have children for the wrong reason. Because the clock is ticking, because they feel peer pressure, because they think it will change the father and make him a better boyfriend/husband.

    I also feel sorry for people like Himiona, who has no respect for the thoughts and feelings of others, and is unable to have an intelligent discussion without insulting every person in the world who has a different opinion.

  65. I don’t want to criticize people who choose not to have children…for adult reasons. That may not be what they want for their life, but I do have a hard time not being a little disgusted by people who just don’t want to grow up. But that’s me, and I don’t have a lot of …. grace sometimes. The thing that I can’t comprehend and I think it may have even made me throw up a little in my mouth was the 70% who said they wouldn’t have kids if they got to do it over. I…I just….seriously….nothing…..I can’t even form a reply. Besides the fact that I can’t imagine my life without my son, how awful for 70% of kids who have parents who wish they hadn’t had them! Ya, I need to stop here.

  66. I don’t want to criticize people who choose not to have children…for adult reasons. That may not be what they want for their life, but I do have a hard time not being a little disgusted by people who just don’t want to grow up. But that’s me, and I don’t have a lot of …. grace sometimes. The thing that I can’t comprehend and I think it may have even made me throw up a little in my mouth was the 70% who said they wouldn’t have kids if they got to do it over. I…I just….seriously….nothing…..I can’t even form a reply. Besides the fact that I can’t imagine my life without my son, how awful for 70% of kids who have parents who wish they hadn’t had them! Ya, I need to stop here.

  67. I’m a very happy 42 yr old single female with no children.
    I do not regret not having children….this world we live in has plenty of children that need a mother.
    I’m very active in Big Brothers Big Sisters and other various organizations that allow me the opportunity to mentor to children. For me, it’s very fullfilling!

  68. I’m a very happy 42 yr old single female with no children.
    I do not regret not having children….this world we live in has plenty of children that need a mother.
    I’m very active in Big Brothers Big Sisters and other various organizations that allow me the opportunity to mentor to children. For me, it’s very fullfilling!

  69. I’m married and don’t plan on having kids. These days children are a very very very expensive luxury. I mean what do they really do? Eat, sleep, run up bills and eat some more. I had to train my wife to think with common sense and not emotion. I would ask her why do you want kids? She could not come up with anything better than “they are a blessing” or “they are a joy”. I would say why do you think you NEED kids? She could not answer. I thinks she wants a baby and not a child. I also had to explain that her work load would drastically increase if she had a baby. I am not the one that will wake up before my alarm goes off to fix a bottle or change a pamper. As for her sleepy Sundays forget about that. I feel that children are cool if you can afford them or really want deal with all the sacrifices. My mom understands our decision. My father as well as my wife’s family really want us to have them. I say misery loves company. As for those that would say I’m selfish. I say look within and ask yourself why did you have children. I think its selfish to have children. I mean the world sucks right now. I’m doing my unborn child a favor by not bringing them into this mess. Who knows what the world will be like in another 20 years. Doesn’t look very promising.

  70. I’m married and don’t plan on having kids. These days children are a very very very expensive luxury. I mean what do they really do? Eat, sleep, run up bills and eat some more. I had to train my wife to think with common sense and not emotion. I would ask her why do you want kids? She could not come up with anything better than “they are a blessing” or “they are a joy”. I would say why do you think you NEED kids? She could not answer. I thinks she wants a baby and not a child. I also had to explain that her work load would drastically increase if she had a baby. I am not the one that will wake up before my alarm goes off to fix a bottle or change a pamper. As for her sleepy Sundays forget about that. I feel that children are cool if you can afford them or really want deal with all the sacrifices. My mom understands our decision. My father as well as my wife’s family really want us to have them. I say misery loves company. As for those that would say I’m selfish. I say look within and ask yourself why did you have children. I think its selfish to have children. I mean the world sucks right now. I’m doing my unborn child a favor by not bringing them into this mess. Who knows what the world will be like in another 20 years. Doesn’t look very promising.

  71. Since I’ve become pregnant (with my third child, fourth for the house), I have been having a LOT of discussion about family life, raising children, and societal standards/beliefs with my co-worker/friend. Essentially, I realize that it comes down to this – for me:

    People who cannot veer their thinking that children are only burdens (in all facets – monetary, time consumption, etc) may never truly understand what it means to be IN the moment and not PLAN the moments. What I mean to say is that finding the joy in having children is all about living the moments with them, and realizing how simple and fabulous being a human with human emotions can BE.

    These burden-laden thinkers have been trained (in my opinion) to only focus on how they’re affected or will be affected. I am fortunate that my parents taught me to experience a situation, and find a way to make it work. “To work” could be finding the joys, finding the solution, finding the meaning…..but for me, burden will never be a word I associate with my children. Even when they become teenagers. At that point, I might just find the sweet joy in a glass (or three) of wine each night. There’s always a lesson…..

  72. Since I’ve become pregnant (with my third child, fourth for the house), I have been having a LOT of discussion about family life, raising children, and societal standards/beliefs with my co-worker/friend. Essentially, I realize that it comes down to this – for me:

    People who cannot veer their thinking that children are only burdens (in all facets – monetary, time consumption, etc) may never truly understand what it means to be IN the moment and not PLAN the moments. What I mean to say is that finding the joy in having children is all about living the moments with them, and realizing how simple and fabulous being a human with human emotions can BE.

    These burden-laden thinkers have been trained (in my opinion) to only focus on how they’re affected or will be affected. I am fortunate that my parents taught me to experience a situation, and find a way to make it work. “To work” could be finding the joys, finding the solution, finding the meaning…..but for me, burden will never be a word I associate with my children. Even when they become teenagers. At that point, I might just find the sweet joy in a glass (or three) of wine each night. There’s always a lesson…..

  73. All you “I wouldn’t change a thing” parents are missing the point. What’s important here is that a growing body of research shows that you are not as happy as you think you are. It’s hard for you to see this because you lack perspective; you made the irreversible choice and now you have to tell yourself it’s good. It’s like having a bad tattoo. Those of us without kids experience higher levels of happiness for a more sustained period of time… our whole lives. If you don’t tell yourself that “it was all worth it” you will be depressed. It’s an illusion that you must maintain to justify the years of hard work it took to raise your kids.

    And another thing… most people that choose not to have kids are not fearful of their parenting abilities nor do they come from single-parent homes, at least not any more than those of you that do have kids. They simply know a path to lifelong happiness when they see one and don’t crumble to long-standing generational pressures to continue lineage. So get off your high horses, moms and dads of the world. You’re no great martyrs. You are empiracally less happy than those without kids, but you’ll never understand why because your lives have been narrowed by the demands of child rearing.

  74. All you “I wouldn’t change a thing” parents are missing the point. What’s important here is that a growing body of research shows that you are not as happy as you think you are. It’s hard for you to see this because you lack perspective; you made the irreversible choice and now you have to tell yourself it’s good. It’s like having a bad tattoo. Those of us without kids experience higher levels of happiness for a more sustained period of time… our whole lives. If you don’t tell yourself that “it was all worth it” you will be depressed. It’s an illusion that you must maintain to justify the years of hard work it took to raise your kids.

    And another thing… most people that choose not to have kids are not fearful of their parenting abilities nor do they come from single-parent homes, at least not any more than those of you that do have kids. They simply know a path to lifelong happiness when they see one and don’t crumble to long-standing generational pressures to continue lineage. So get off your high horses, moms and dads of the world. You’re no great martyrs. You are empiracally less happy than those without kids, but you’ll never understand why because your lives have been narrowed by the demands of child rearing.

  75. Raise them with eyes open to love, show them the joy of expressing that love, and you won’t have to worry about how they will be as teens. My oldest son is a MMA fighter, mechanic and all around macho man… and he will stand in a crowded room and yell “I love you” to whomever he loves. EVEN DAD…lol In fact he will kiss his dad on his bald spot, say “I love you old man” and run laughing from the room, it’s been a running joke since he was 12, he tells his dad the bald spot is good luck..lol
    If you don’t want to regret having children then be the person you want them to be. Show kindness, love, honesty, and honor, and even if they rebel, they will revert back to what they learned from you in time. Children learn by emulating those around them, you want a kid to be proud of then be someone they can be proud of.
    In my lifetime as a counselor, I have found that the parents who say they regret having children are the ones who were to self absorbed to pay real attention to their children and as a result raised self absorbed kids.

  76. http://hfbstest.wordpress.com -

    Hello there. I’ve come across your blog (which I think is great) as I was seeking out other blogs by dads. We seem to be outnumbered by mums by about 20 to 1. I have been through the teenage years as a dad – big time – and there have been times when it has been very tough. But I can’t imagine that I would ever have been quite as happy not being a dad, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

  77. No one ever said that parenting children was  easy, but it is very rewarding : the hardest “job” you’ll ever love!

  78. I’m still debating as to whether or not I will have children when I meet the right person. I am a college student and hope to secure a career that allows me to travel quite extensively. I see the joy children bring their parents but I also see all the sacrifices that must be made.

  79. This is such a personal decision. I think if things had been different, there is a possibility that my husband and I would not have become parents. Would I go back and change it, no, I love our daughter and can’t imagine life without her. But if we had waited, like we had intended, there is a possibility we would have realized that we are just selfish enough to not be parent material. Things worked out differently, and like I said, I can’t imagine our lives without our daughter. After she was born, I was sure we needed to have at least one more child, but my husband flat out refused. After some deep conversations, some research, and really looking at the type of person I am, I realized that our family was perfect with just the three of us. We now take off on the spur of the moment, all three of us, and enjoy life to the fullest. We even chose to homeschool because I couldn’t stand the thought of someone else getting all that time with her (among many other reasons).

    By the way, I just found your blog through Pure Indian Foods facebook page. Thanks for the great posts!

  80. After reading this excerpt, I get the impression that the article is written from the perspective which makes the reader say “how does this make ME feel?” It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it just reflects that America has a very self-centered culture, though it’s not necessarily the only one. If you live your life with the idea that you can only make yourself happy, it’s not going to take you very far. On the other hand, though I’m young, I’ve always loved the idea of having children. I don’t know what God has in store, but it’s for your good. For instance, I’m going to college for a degree in music. I thought it would be better to go with Business Administration, but God nudged me and said “No, I want you Here.” So, I’m continuing to trust Him, believing that He knows better than I do. I’d encourage you to see what He thinks about whatever it is you’re facing. Put your faith in Him, and He will take care of you.
    Check out John 3 for more information. God Bless!

  81. it’s a no brainer. Having kids isn’t for everyone and if your the parent type. then you likely aren’t going to be the same of person who isn’t the parent type. I want to enjoy life. achieve many things and enjoy being able do what I want when I want with who I want. I have an exciting life full of extreme sports and travel. I work for myself as an artist so I don’t hve to go to work everyday. So I can enjoy spontaneous travel and tons of friends and don’t have to answer to anyone. WHy on earth would I give that up? Ppl love to pretend that parenting is so great and that youre’ supposed to like all that marriage and family stuff. Doesn’t look to appealing to me. Even friends of mine with good kids and marriages are pretty miserable. I hear from them all the time and how much they envy those without kids. People tend to inflate the whole kid experience too to convince themselves that it’s all soooo worth it. I’d rather have anthrax than be tied down like that. YOu only live once.