How to Treat the Man Cold

How to treat man cold

Photo via morgueFile

The dreaded “Man Cold” has been crippling the male species since time began. The Bible doesn’t go into detail, but I’m convinced that Adam agreed to eat the apple because his judgment was clouded by a “man cold.”

If you’re unfamiliar with the man cold, allow me to explain. It is a “debilitating disease” can be “near fatal. It’s specific to the male species and demands fast attention. The symptoms are horrible: coughing, sneezing, sore throat, low energy and the telltale man-whine.

If your husband is dealing with these symptoms, you must follow these steps to help him get well:

  • Do not put him in bed. Instead, let him recoup here.
  • Turn on the TV – fast. Find some sports or cartoons and give him the remote control.
  • He’ll be too weak to call for you, so make sure to check in on him every three minutes. A little bell is also helpful.
  • He’ll need an endless supply of tissues, fast food, cookies and lots of tea.
  • Once he shows signs of improvement (by asking you what you’re doing every 10 minutes), he’s ready for movie therapy. Star Wars, James Bond, or sports related movies work well during this next step in the man cold treatment plan. Note: No matter how much he begs, do not let him watch “Brian’s Song.” In his weakened state, the emotional drain will be too much for him.
  • If a week has gone by and there’s no improvement, bring out the big guns: have a chick flick marathon consisting of Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood, Steel Magnolias, and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, and if he’s not in the shower after that, tell him you can’t remember if you feed a cold, starve a fever or the reverse, so you’d better ask your mother to come over.
  • He’ll be back on his feet before you can say, “Do these pants make my butt look big?”

My friend, Teendoc, who blogs at Welcome to the Dollhouse, first diagnosed my man cold when I was pleading for sympathy on Twitter. My ailing fingers could barely type out the message, but I needed the world to know how miserable I was. Teendoc responded with a link to this video. After I watched it I thought, “Finally, a doctor who understands my misery.” I showed the video to my wife so she could have a better understanding of what I was going through. She went into a tirade about how mothers don’t have the luxury of having a “man cold” because they have to blah, blah, blah. I pulled my blanket over my head because I was way too sick to comprehend her rambling (BTW, this was a bad move).

A week later, I contracted a stomach virus. Instead of displaying sympathy, my daughter looked at my wife and said, “Oh, no. Looks like dad has another man cold. I guess he’ll be in bed all day, again.”

Stay Strong,

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Question: Who handles illnesses better, men or women?

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About the author
Frederick J. Goodall is the founder of Mocha Dad - a parenting website focused on fatherhood. He is passionate about parenting and helping men to be great dads, husbands, and role models. You can contact him at fjgoodall@mochadad.com or on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/mochadad
  1. Ha! I so hope my husband doesn’t see this post. He was home all day today with a “man cold”. (FEEL my eyes rolling in my head…lol.) When he said he was staying home this morning because he felt bad, I said, “well, you know… it’s gonna be cold outside tomorrow, too. You plan on waiting Winter out?” I mean, something would have to really be wrong with me for me to stay home all day by myself just puttering around the house. :) But then I wouldn’t get to stay in bed anyway. I’d have to get up, make the baby’s breakfast, get him ready for daycare, etc. There’s just no such thing as time-off for a sick mother, even if she takes off. In fact, I’d probably be better off going to work where I can at least sit at my desk and have a cup of tea.

  2. Ha! I so hope my husband doesn’t see this post. He was home all day today with a “man cold”. (FEEL my eyes rolling in my head…lol.) When he said he was staying home this morning because he felt bad, I said, “well, you know… it’s gonna be cold outside tomorrow, too. You plan on waiting Winter out?” I mean, something would have to really be wrong with me for me to stay home all day by myself just puttering around the house. :) But then I wouldn’t get to stay in bed anyway. I’d have to get up, make the baby’s breakfast, get him ready for daycare, etc. There’s just no such thing as time-off for a sick mother, even if she takes off. In fact, I’d probably be better off going to work where I can at least sit at my desk and have a cup of tea.

  3. I’m telling you that there is something on that Y chromosome that is at the root of all this behavior! My husband now knows that something better be falling off or there must be uncontrolled emissions from some orifice before I start with the sympathy.

  4. I’m telling you that there is something on that Y chromosome that is at the root of all this behavior! My husband now knows that something better be falling off or there must be uncontrolled emissions from some orifice before I start with the sympathy.

  5. That video is awesome. And I would agree with James. We are wimps. Think it goes back to how your mother treated you. But now I know better than to whine to the boss. I just need to man up and take it. Every time I complain her first comment is – Have you taken anything? Of course it is no. So I am learning. Just gotta man up. Great post!

  6. That video is awesome. And I would agree with James. We are wimps. Think it goes back to how your mother treated you. But now I know better than to whine to the boss. I just need to man up and take it. Every time I complain her first comment is – Have you taken anything? Of course it is no. So I am learning. Just gotta man up. Great post!

    • I can tell you’re not feeling well. You’d better lie down on the couch and get some immediate football therapy.

  7. omgosh…NEVER try to tell a woman about a ‘man cold’. we think y’all are weak…this is why we have the babies! lol the man cold video is ridiculous……ridiculously funny. moms don’t get the privilege of someone waiting on them, napping, etc., when they’re sick. it’s just so unfair, i tell ya!

  8. omgosh…NEVER try to tell a woman about a ‘man cold’. we think y’all are weak…this is why we have the babies! lol the man cold video is ridiculous……ridiculously funny. moms don’t get the privilege of someone waiting on them, napping, etc., when they’re sick. it’s just so unfair, i tell ya!

  9. Hi MochaDad, *waving*

    Sorry you’re not feeling well. Here’s a nice big bowl of Italian chicken vegetable soup. Feel better soon. God bless you and your family.

  10. Hi MochaDad, *waving*

    Sorry you’re not feeling well. Here’s a nice big bowl of Italian chicken vegetable soup. Feel better soon. God bless you and your family.

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  13. ‘Man’ cold. Never had one. I feel sick, I sit I read, and I tell the wife to LEAVE ME ALONE. 3 hours later I’m bored, so I clean the bathroom, put in that new outlet in the livingroom, prep dinner and since no one else is going to do it, I walk the dog. All in complete silence and with lots of red wine. Difference is I spent 12 years in the USAF with no mama or honey-bunch to look after me.